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How to Marry a Multi-Millionaire: The Ultimate Guide to High Net Worth Dating.(4)
Wednesday
/// Part Two ///
Creating a High Net Worth Appearance
( The Gold Digger's Guide to Beauty, Exercise, Dieting, Makeup and Fashion)
Chapter Five
BEING PRESENTABLE
When you are tracking big game on the High Net Worth Dating Circuit, you must pay attention to your quarry's surroundings. Understanding his social environment is as important as understanding him. You are not just seducing a single male, you must seduce his friends, parents, business colleagues and children, if any. All of these people have the ability to obstruct your path to the altar. If they don't like you, they may try to poison your relationship with your intended.
Getting the important people to like you, or at least be neutral toward you, requires effort, awareness and attention to detail. You will have to do things that these people perceive as being in their interest.
There are two basic aspects to making your intended happy with your relations with his family, friends and colleagues. The first is being presentable. The second is being an asset.
If you are not presentable, you will never get anywhere with your man. While he may adore sucking your toes, making love to you for hours on end or staying in bed with you for days at a time, if you are not presentable, he will never consider marrying you.
Looking the Part
Being presentable means understanding how he and his friends and family imagine his ideal mate. you must be warm and wholesome when you meet his parents or children. You must project the appearance of a responsible and caring person, not of a sexpot who can barely stand up in her high heels.
Here are some qualities you should display with his friends and family:
1) Be Gracious and Attentive.
Talk to everyone. Don't play favorites. If you are both at a party at his house, make sure the guests are comfortable, have been properly introduced and have a drink in their hand. Many rich men are utterly lacking in social skills and are dependent on their girlfriend to keep things moving smoothly at parties. if you do this well, he may begin to become socially dependent on you. He will have a better time when he goes out with you because he sees that you make an effort to attract and please other people. He will know that you know how to handle his family and friends in a positive way. If you are not normally gracious and attentive, take an acting class and pretend to be gracious and attentive.
20 Your Dress and Makeup Should Convey Elegance and Simplicity.
No fake nails or wild nail patterns. No excessive makeup. No wild fishnets at business or family gatherings or on visits with his five-year-old. Convey a positive, wholesome appearance for these important persons in his life.
30 Accents
There are only two universally acceptable accents. none and British. A heavy New Jersey, queens, Brooklyn, Midwestern or Boston accent will mark you as undesirable for life. If you have such an accent, or if you have a harsh, high-pitched or squeaky voice, hire a voice coach and start changing it. there is no point in circulating socially until you have gotten rid of your undesirable accent. High net worth men don't even want a hooker with a Brooklyn accent, much less a wife.
Southern accents can be charming and sexy. Some men are attracted to Southern accents. As long as you sound educated and sophisticated you can keep your southern accent.
Foreign accents are generally okay and can be a plus. British, French, Italian and Scandinavian or Dutch accents can be very sexy for the high net worth American. U.K. regional or lower class accents such as Jordy, Cockney, Irish or Scottish are not acceptable and should be purged. Unless your last name is Fanjul, heavy Spanish accents are generally not acceptable, even if you are Spanish.
4) Fat is Not Presentable.
There is only one body type the high net worth man really wants: Tall and thin, or failing that, medium tall and thin. Anything else and you are starting with a significant handicap. We don't care how tall you are. If you weigh more than 150 pounds you are not eligible for major league play.
High net worth men do not date or marry fat women. And if they marry a woman who becomes fat they will usually divorce her. The reasons for this are simple. Men do not like being shamed in front of other men. being with a fat woman means that all you can get is a genetically undesirable fat person. to be seen with a fat women is the ultimate humiliation for a man. It's like driving a beat-up car. A normal guy won't go near you if you are fat. While some men are fat fetishists, these men are rarely desirable high net worth targets.
Stay home until you are thin. And when you get thin, never admit you were once fat. he does not want to hear how proud you are of your weight loss accomplishments. he will be thinking only one thing, "she was fat once, she can be fat again!"
5) Hair is Only For Your Head.
The only hair on your body should be on the top of your head. In particular, there should be no mustache, no underarm hair, no nipple hair and no hair on your legs. your pubis should be completely shaved or have a thin, trim line leading down to your vagina. Dark hair on the arms can be just as unattractive as on your legs. Men like you smooth and soft. Men don't like hairy women. They want a Brazilian.
Shave it, wax it, laser it. But whatever you do, get rid of it!
6) Teeth
Teeth should be clean, white and bright with a fresh pink tongue. If you have grey or yellow teeth you will have to have them fixed or go et veneers. No one wants to kiss a woman with yellow teeth. Cosmetic dentistry can be the difference between being in the game or out of it.
7) Hands and Toes
Men do not like to see cracked or half painted fingers or toes. If you want a man to thank you don't care enough about yourself and him to have a manicure and pedicure, by all means stay home and concentrate on your career. Because you are never going to get married.
use one solid color. he does not want to see a kaleidoscope when he looks at your feet. And please no blue toenails! if you nails are bitten, half painted or painted in tracky colors it tells a man you don't care what the world thinks of him or you. Don't go to a date unless your nails are flawless.
8) Hire an Image Consultant
Held back by poor table manners, lousy taste, weak conversational skills, a grating accent, limited education or bad hair? No problem. hire an image consultant to polish your table manners and dining gestures and to help you achieve a complete professional image which enhances your best attributes while masking your flaws. The folks at essential image will even provide education on "fine food, drinks and wines" and help you "restructure and build... a well rounded wardrobe." And yes they can recommend a speech therapist, dietician, cosmetic surgeon and even an orthodontist or dance instructor. By the time they get through with you, you will look in the mirror and think you are seeing a young Brooke Astor!
How to Marry a Multi-Millionaire: The Ultimate Guide to High Net Worth Dating.(3)
Tuesday
Chapter Three
THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MEN
Men Are Not a Mystery
Many women are constantly puzzled by the behavior of men. These women keep expecting men to act like women and are surprise when they don't.
Men are not like women. They are, if you will, a different kind of machine. But a machine nonetheless. They behave in very predictable ways, more so perhaps than women.
here are some characteristics of men that may surprise you.
Men do not talk to each other about relationships
In fact, Men do not talk to each other at all. That's how they have time to watch sports. Men do not interpret life in terms of relationships. They interpret life in terms of results. They therefore have a much more black and white view of the world than women.
Men do not care about flowers
When a man gives you a beautiful bouquet you may be moved to tears. But he won't care about them at all. He is giving them to you to make you do something he wants you to do or to prevent you from doing something he doesn't want you to do (like dumping him). Most likely the flowers were chosen by his secretary. The only input he had was to say, "Don't go over $65." When you call to tell him how beautiful they are, keep in mind that he probably has no idea what he sent you.
Men do not even like flowers. If they did, they would give them to each other.
Men are visually oriented.
Men are initially attracted to you by your physical appearance. (Hence the importance of looking good). A man will almost never ask you out unless he is pleased and excited by your physical appearance.
A man may like you because you have nice feet. he may like you because you have large breasts or he may like you because you have long legs or beautiful eyes and thick pouty lips. It does not matters what he likes about you. he may call you obsessively because he is fantasizing about sucking your toes or having sex with you from behind. This does not mean he cares about you. In fact, you can be sure that he doesn't. you haven't had time for him to done to you. But you can still reel him in using the things he likes about you even if a continuing relationships is not initially on his agenda.
Healthy heterosexual men are not naturally monogamous
Men like to fool around. Given the chance they will. This is nothing personal. If they don't cheat on you it's not because they don't want to, it's because they value your relationship more than they do the chance for casual sex, or they may just be lacking opportunities to cheat. All things being equal, however, the majority of men will cheat on you if they have the opportunity.
Men are attracted to women of childbearing years
While you may grow old, your man will continue to be attracted to women of childbearing years. Women can be quite comfortable with a much older man. Men, on the other hand, are genetically biologically programmed to be primarily attracted to women who are under 35-years old. Men are designed to want children and they select mates that are capable of having them. That's whey many wealthy men trade in their wives for a younger woman every 10 years or so. This is not because men are evil of selfish. This is simply because they are men. Men want to be with a woman of a woman of childbearing years even if they don't want to have children. This is why you must be prepared to fight for a big divorce settlement if he decides to trade you in.
Sex becomes more and more infrequent the time you spend together. however, his sex drive is by no means diminished.
There is an old joke that there is no sex after marriage. After a year or so of marriage you may find that this joke is on you. Your man will usually grow tired of having sex with you. This is a very bad sign for the future of your relationship, because you can be sure that his sex drive has not diminished. Your man just isn't finding you as the outlet he wants anymore.
Men like to please women, but they must feel that they can please her
A man will dump a woman he is very attracted to physically if he feels he cannot please. Men like to please women. But a woman who is constantly and relentlessly demanding will not hold on to her man because he will soon realize that no matter what he does he can never please her. This will make him miserable. More importantly, it will make him dump her. Encourage your man by showing him that he can make you happy. That will make him happy.
Men can be broken
Ask any woman who has been married five years or more. She has found the way to break down her man by getting him into a routine of being with her. Eventually they get used to the idea of being with you. after that he may get used to the idea of not being with other women, although in many cases this is a longer process. The point is you can succeed in breading him down by subtly working your way into every aspect of his life.
Men can't read your mind and don't want to
Worse than that they don't have a clue what is in it. that's why you must communicate clearly what you expect of him. Communicate in a clear but positive and upbeat way what it is you want him to do. He will want to please you if you show him you care. Being angry with him will just turn him off to you. If you yell at him you can be sure he won't do what you want. Don't expect him to know what you want. The thing you want would probably never occur to him in a thousand years. it's up to you to communicate your needs and desires. If you don't, no one else will.
Men view how you look as a reflection on them
No man wants to be seen with an unattractive or unpresentable woman. Every an wants to be seen with a beautiful woman on his arm. This is the highest status a man can achieve. There is nothing more humiliating for a man than to be seen with an ugly woman. From his perspective your looks are not about you, they are assets to him. If you don't look good enough to make him proud he will drop you. And he may do so after years of marriage. The high net worth man's nagging desire to trade up is an issue you will facing throughout your tenure as a high net worth wife. Keep in mind that because he is rich he will always be able to replace you if he wants to. Protect yourself financially in case disaster strikes. It can arrive with startling swiftness.
Life is a Business; Marring a High Net Worth Man is a Job
Life is a business and human beings are traders by nature. Your man will only care about you if he perceives that you are adding value to his life. You add value by being presentable to his friends, colleagues, family and strangers, by being an asset in his life and by giving him what he wants in bed. Unless you are providing value you can be sure he won't marry you. No employer will hire a person who can't do the job. Your knight in the shining silver jet will certainly not marry you unless he perceives you as someone who can provide continuing value. Being his wife is a very lucrative opportunity which can provide lifetime security and benefits for you and your future children. In exchange you will be expected to supervise and decorate multiple households, arrange social events, bear his children, be available for sex (whenever and however he wants it), make sure his life runs smoothly and look damn good doing it. It won't be easy but it will be well worth it!
Chapter Four
THE MOGUL PERSONALITY
If you are going to dig for real gold, you had better understand what you are getting into. While every mogul is different, with many unique positive and negative characteristics, the super-successful man will usually have the following qualities.
1) He will be different. One of the most attractive qualities of the super-successful man is his highly developed sense of self-confidence. He knows who he is and he knows that he wants. If he want you he means it.
2) He will be very intelligent.
The super-successful man has a piercing intelligence that often gives him the ability to unravel extremely complex and difficult circumstances and see through to the most probable end result and how it will affect him. Such men often have a unique eye-opening perspective on the world because they see things so differently from the mass of ordinary people.
One mogul we know how had just bought a gay newspaper in a major city to help with his liberal wife's election campaign was being lambasted in the press by gay activists for buying the newspaper in that they viewed as a Wall Street takeover o fan important gay media outlet. When we asked this mogul how he felt about the thrashing he was getting from the press his response was certainly counter-intuitive:
"We think it's great," he said, "It's free publicity for the paper which will make mainstream advertisers comfortable that they can advertise with us without being identified with the radical gay element. This will increase our revenue between 20 and 305. Of course he was right.
3) He will be a risk taker.
You may find your mogul repeatedly gambling his existing assets to build something bigger. Your stomach may be permanently experiencing that sinking feeling from the incredible risks he is willing to take. But don't worry. Even when they fail, these guys can usually pick themselves up and get back on their feet in very short order. Read Trump: The art of the comeback, by co-authors Kate Bohner and Donald J. Trump, for a good example of how a mogul made it back from the precipice.
4) He has a low level of fear.
While he may not be completely fearless, he will be unafraid to be himself and will be much less afraid of external circumstances than the ordinary person.
5) He will be extremely energetic.
He may not need much sleep. He will have the energy to run you ragged.
6) He will be charming
Even when a successful man lacks social skills he will have charm. If he is charmless he is unlikely to stay successful.
7) He will be aware of the surrounding circumstances and people to the extent that they affect him.
He knows how others perceive him and he will have a sense (perhaps a somewhat exaggerated sense) of his own power.
8) He will be determined and persistent, even ruthless in getting what he wants.
He may perceive obstacles as opportunities and if he really wants something he will not take 'NO" for an answer.
9) He will be optimistic and positive in dealing with others.
He will be confident about his ability to get what he wants. That's how he become so successful in the first place.
10) He will be extraordinarily, mind-bogglingly selfish.
The super-successful man always asks what is in it for him. His ultimate concern is himself. It will be a challenge to make him care about you.
11) The super-successful are sued to getting their own way. Quickly, and watch out for detectives. You may find that he is controlling to the point of having you followed or kept under surveillance.
12) He may be one of more of the following: i) Narcissistic; ii) Charismatic; iii) Secretive; iv) Stingy; v) Angry and irritable in private; vi) Difficult to bond with; vii) An insomniac; viii) Or large girth or appetites; ix) Vengeful; x) A liar
13) He will understand that life is a business.
He will want to know what value you can add to his life.
Mogul personalities are often very difficult to live with if you fight with them for control. They may clash with a strong independent woman. Mogul personalities like to control the people around them. Sometimes they control people by taking care of them. in effect they want to own you. There is no point in fighting with him over this. You are not going to win. With the mogul personality, demonstrating your financial independence may make him uncomfortable. He will like to pay for you and give you gifts. This is something you should be able to learn to accept.
The Trump Dump
It was pitch-black in the auditorium. Donald Trump was bellowing through the public address system: "We had the best year ever!" The employees cheered. It was the holidays. The Plaza Hotel in New York City. The Trump Organization Christmas part.
Kate Bohner had spent the past months writing trump: The Art of the Comeback. Like many business magazine journalists, she had jumped at the chance to write what had to become a bestseller. So here she was, six months hence - after Trump: The Art of the Comeback had indeed become a bestseller, number 3 on the New York Times list and number 1 for The Wall Street Journal.
"Now I want to talk about my book..." cooed the Donald into the microphone. "KateSo, you here?" His ruddy, bloated face floats above the microphone. he scanned the room. "KateSo!" he barked.
Kate raised her hand from the back of the ballroom.
"I'm the only person who has a ghost writer whose picture is on the back of the book," the Donald continued. The crowd chuckled. "But hey, she's kind of great looking. " The room bursts into applause.
Later that evening, as the bad 12-piece band blared, Kate Bohner approached the Donald. She had something very important to go over with him. It was about the book.
The deal with this. She got paid 60K for the manuscript - in three installments.
"KateSo," The Donald had told her back in May. "If the book goes above number five on the new York Times bestseller list... I'll bonus you 100 grand."
The book was at Number 3. Kate was at the Christmas party to collect her bonus.
A bit later, Kate approached The Donald. He was perched by the shrimp platter. "Hey Donald, what about my 100 grand?"
"KateSo", he turned and narrowed his eyes. "Sue me", he declared coldly.
Kate was stunned.
But why was she shocked?
Over the past year, in the course of writing the book, Kate told us she has watched The Donald offer 10 cents on the dollar to settle a bill he owed to a contractor with four kids who had just lost a big job. She had seen him fire that contractor's brother, a steam fitter, on Christmas Day. The Citiback loan officer who had turned him down for a revolving credit facility in 1995, when he nearly went personally bankrupt? The Donald spent hours ensuring her son had difficulties getting a commercial lease in New York City.
Why had Kate thought she was any different?
The truth is it was nothing personal. Trump was just being the Donald. To him it was just business. Kate hadn't gotten the bonus promise in writing. In Bohner's view, The Donald stiffed her just because he could.
Trump, like every truly successful person, is totally focused on his own needs and desires. His real expertise is taking care of himself. people like trump seem aggressively selfish... because they are. And it's not necessarily a bad thing.
Study your target carefully. If he has a classic mogul personality, you will be able to fit very nicely into his life on his terms in the classic manner. he pays the bills and you lobby quitely for the things you really want. Whatever power you have will have to be exerted from within the context of your relationship through cajoling and persuasion.
In a sense, the classic mogul personality fits perfectly with the classic gold digger. Both operate on the principal of taking care of number. He gets control and you get the Blackglama mink coat. That' whey so many wealthy men end up with Gold Diggers. In the end, they are made for each other.
How to Marry a Multi-Millionaire: The Ultimate Guide to High Net Worth Dating.(2)
/// Part One ///
High Net Worth Mating
Chapter One
The Honorable Gold Digger
Taking care of Number One
There is nothing wrong with true love. If you can find it. The problem is most people never do. And women who sit around passively waiting for their true love to walk into their life and find them are bound to be disappointed. The only thing that will find them is old age.
While we should never give up the hope of finding true love, in the meantime looking out for number one is the most effectively strategy for individual survival. There really is no meaningful alternative to a strategy of self-interest.
A woman exists primarily to fulfill her own needs and desires her ultimate concern must be herself and her well being. Securing her financial security and comfort with an exciting and successful high net is a key goal for every intelligent, aggressive woman.
The best way to secure your future for yourself and your children is to marry a man who is rich enough and capable enough to survive comfortably through any foreseeable financial reversal.
Women need to secure their financial future while they are still of childbearing age so they can raise a family in comfort. Even high-powered Wall Street careers will rarely allow a woman time to amass enough wealthy to retire and raise a family in style and comfort.
if you graduate from business school between 23-25 years of age, it will take your at least 10 years to achieve the rank of Managing Director at a Wall Street investment bank. Even if you stay there working 16 hour days and claw your way to the top, you will just be reaching your peak earning power as your fertility begins to decline precipitously. This is the time when many professional women panic and start desperately trying to seek a husband. At this point you are negotiating from a position of weakness. your dates can see the desperation in your eyes. And the anxiety about missing the chance to have children will adversely affect and may even overwhelm your emotional well-being and can damage your high-powered career.
But if you start planning in your 20s and focus on marrying a rich man with the same dedication you would devote to a Wall Street career, you are much more likely to be rewarded with success and a great lifestyle.
Do you really want to end up as a haggard, overworked, overwrought, childless and single middle-aged woman? Or do you want to get out there and fight for a successful, intelligent and dynamic high net worth man now, while you can still get one.
The choice is yours.
A time-honored profession
Marrying wealthy is a time-honored profession. It is best distinguished from the world's oldest profession by one important fact. It is older. And, of course, wives and mothers are not usually paid by the hour.
It doesn't matter where you live. It doesn't matter where you are now. It does not matter what you do for a living. even if you are stuck on a dirt farm in Arkansas or lying in rags on a bearskin rug in a cave in Siberia, if you are an attractive woman, you can land a wealthy husband by getting on the next plane to New York City. you don't even need to speak much English. All you need is a shower, a manicure, pedicure, high heels and a great out fit. Then get on the high net worth dating circuit. Charge your tickets to the important benefits listed below and get out there and date. The world is about to become your playground.
You add value
As an ambitious woman, you should think of yourself as a value added service provider. you should not seek positions where you are insufficiently compensated for the value you added to your man's life.
An ambitious woman can provide the following diverse array of services to her wealthy companion or significant other. She offers: 1) Charming companionship 2) Intense sex 3) Social graces 4) Arm and eye candy(yourself and your attractive girlfriends) 5) Potential wife and mother material for his unborn heirs 6) A helpmate to organize his social and professional life 7) Interior decorator for multiple residences and the Gulf Stream.
Finding a High Net Worth Mate is Full-Time Job
In fulfilling all of these roles or in seeking a position as a wife or mistress you will have overhead. You will have expenses. Your income must over all the following expenses and fund a healthy nest egg for your future retirement (in case, despite all of your good efforts, you never do land that high profile husband). 1) Apartment or house 2) Gym and personal trainer 3) Spa treatments 4) Manicure and pedicure 5) High-end hair salon 6) Large wardrobe of sexy clothes for many possible occasion from an outdoor barbecue, to the beach, to the Metropolitan Museum Gala Costume Institute Party, to summer and winter cocktail parties, ski trips, dinners and business conferences. 7) la Perla, Wolford, Eres, and Agent Provocateur underwear 8) High-end handbags, 9) Shoes, shoes, shoes 10) And last but not least, especially in the later years, plastic surgery.
This adds up to a great deal of cash. You may be tempted to take a full-time job. That could be a mistake. Not having a steady source of income while piling up huge debts will actually incentivize you to be bolder in seizing high net worth dating opportunities.
Besides, you don't have time to work!
Chapter Two
The Tao Of Gold Digging
Gold digging is an art. To learn it well you must understand the basic principles and philosophy of the successful Gold Digger. The following Gold Rules can be used to successfully organize your life.
THE 10 GOLD RULES 1) Life is a business and nature is a free market system. 2) Your appearance is your most important economic asset. 3) Marriage can be a very lucrative occupation. 4) You will get the job if you add value. 5) Good is what's good for you. 6) Evil is anything not in your interest. 7) What he likes about you is not about you. 8) Morality is an opinion. 9) Rejection is information. 10) The best things in life are very expensive.
THE 10 GOLDEN RULES EXPLAINED
Life is a Business and Nature is a Free Market System
You only get gold by giving it. You will only marry a rich man if you can demonstrate the value you add to his life. Don't count on him marrying you for love. It isn't going to happen unless you know him how you can be an asset to him. And since nature is a free market system you can claw your way to the top just as men do in business. you just can't be quite so obvious.
Your Appearance is Your Most Important Economic Asset
Beauty is among the highest accomplishments for a woman. Beauty is a sign of genetic health. That's why men are attracted to beautiful women. Your job is to make yourself look beautiful whenever you go out in public. Beauty creates possibilities. Looking good is an economic asset. Your man wants a beautiful woman on his arm. Your beauty is not about you. It's an asset to him. If he doesn't think you look good on him, he won't marry you.
Marriage Can Be a Very Lucrative Occupation
No matter what career you choose, you can't possibly earn as much money as you will in the position of high net worth wife. Single women can't make enough to afford big houses in Southampton, Aspen, Palm Beach and New York. Don't kid yourself. The position of a wife to a wealthy man is far and away the best paying job you can have.
You Will Get the Job if You Add Value
Being an asset to him in as many ways as possible is the surest way to increase the net assets line in your financial statement. Give him what he wants and needs and he will give you gold (and diamonds too!).
Good is What's Good for You
You've got to start by redefining your values. You must realize that good and bad can only be judged in relation to a goal. They do not exist in the abstract. Good is when you lure your high net worth fiance away from your best girlfriend. Good is when you get what you want.
Evil is Anything Not in Your Interest
Evil is when your best girlfriend steals the heart of your fiance and he ends up marrying her and not you or if he goes back to his ex-girlfriend or wife. Evil is when someone else gets what you want.
What He likes About You is Not About You
Your prospective husband will like you only to the extent you give him what he wants. He may want you for sex, motherhood, and to be his social director, golf partner, cook and girl Friday. He may want you because he likes to lick your toes. He may like you because you know a lot about decorating or cooking. he may like you because you have good genes or large breasts or a distinguished family name. Whatever the reason, don't forget that these are all qualities that are assets to him.
Morality is an Opinion
Your job is to get your guy, not to speculate on the moral fabric of the universe. It's rare that two people's views of morality will coincide. Don't worry about the morality of marrying for money, worry about your waistline and the size of your ass. That is far more productive.
Rejection is Information
Rejection means you are in the game. If you never want to be rejected you might as well give up now. Rejection is something you learn from. What you learn is what your guy wants. Whether he wants you or doesn't want you the reasons will be his reasons. Rejection just means he didn't perceive you as a significant asset to his life. Sometimes this happens when a man figures out what you are really up to.
The Best Things in Life Are Very Expensive
Private schools, ski vacations, good jewelry, palatial homes and high-end handbags come at a steep price. The only way to afford them (unless you are one of the lucky few who inherited substantial wealthy), is to get someone to buy them for you. And believe us when we tell you that, except in very unusual circumstances, he will not be buying you a palatial home unless you are married to him.
THE 10 GOLDEN COMMANDMENTS - A FRAMEWORK FOR ACTION
Once you understand the 10 Golden Rules you are ready for the 10 Golden Commandments. The 10 Gold Commandments give you the framework for action you need to snare a high net worth husband.
1) In every relationship, always ask, "What's in it for me?" 2) Help yourself and let others help themselves. 3) Know what you want. 4) Be energetic and persistent in pursuing your man. 5) Know when to break the rules. 6) Don't be nice, be charming and sexy. 7) Be flexible and aware of shifting opportunities. 8) Don't get angry, get what you want. 9) Don't be negative. 10) Understand that what others do is not about you.
THE 10 G0LDEN COMMANDMENTS EXPLAINED
In Every Relationship, always Ask, "What's in it for me?"
This is the key question in every phase of human interaction. If you don't know what you are getting out of the situation, why are you in it? If you can't answer this question it is often because you are doing something to please another person, not yourself. This will usually end up making you unhappy. Don't do things to please other people, do them to please yourself.
Help Yourself and Let Others Help Themselves
Worry about yourself. if you want o help a person, do so because it provides some benefit to you. Helping others with no benefit to yourself is a symptom of low self-esteem and a recipe for personal failure. Saying of others "she's out for herself" is not a very pointed criticism. After all, who with any sense isn't?
Know what you want
If you don't know what you want you are never going to get it. Some women don't want to marry a rich man. Some women don't want to be able to buy anything they want. We don't know who these women are but we see them everywhere, working in meaningless office jobs, cleaning up office buildings, working in the supermarket or the post office or just walking around looking aimless and bored. These women don't realize that if you don't know what you want no one else will.
Be Energetic and Persistent in Pursuing Your Man
Life is a process of trying something, bumping up against an obstacle and being repulsed, then trying something different until finally you have a breakthrough and achieve your goal. Since you will constantly run into obstacles, you will be defeated if you lack the energy and persistence to get around them. when you run into an obstacle, instead of getting discouraged, try to see what opportunity the new obstacle presents. you may find that what looked like an obstacle may actually be something that can help you get your guy.
Know When to Break Rules
Rules are for other people. Don't obey rules for their own sake. They were not made for your benefit. Crashing a big charity benefit may be against the rules but if you do it you may be able to meet a number of eligible high net worth men. No one will thank you for obeying the rules and staying home to watch TV because you can't afford a benefit ticket or because it is sold out or you weren't invited. On the other hand you should not take extreme risks of long-term adverse consequences. Committing violent crimes of aggression to sabotage your girlfriend's efforts to land the man you want is unlikely to be the most efficient way to archive your goal. Simply undermine your rivals with malicious gossip. It is not necessary to physically kill them. Deciding whether to break or bend a rule is simply a matter of balancing the relative costs and benefits of the alternative courses of action.
Don't Be Nice, Be Charming and Sexy
Being charming, sexy and flirtatious is an important tool for getting what you want from another person. Being nice is weak because it does not ask for anything. Don't be nice gratuitously, but always be charming. The positive energy you exude can reap enormous benefits by attracting people to you who can help you get what you want.
Be Flexible and Aware of Shifting Opportunities
Circumstances are constantly changing. Your sensitivity and awareness of what is going on around you are your most important tools for getting what you want. By being aware of other people's needs and desires, you can figure out what you can offer them to get them to do what you want. The Key to life is being in the moment. If you are distracted, tired, cross or grumpy, you will miss numerous opportunities around you. You are most likely to be in the moment when you are well rested, look good and feel confident. If you are in the zone, you will have a much more positive experience of life. if you are grumpy and negative, you will repel rather than attract people and you will lose out on the possibilities they offer.
Don't Get Angry, Get What You Want
Anger is frustration at your own impotence in the face of a failure to get what you want. it is childish, tantrum-like, and has no place in your repertoire of emotions. If you are successful at getting what you want, you will have no reason to be angry. And if you fail to get what you want, it's usually because you made a mistake or miscalculation or failed to take into account an external circumstance or another person's action. This is a reason to do better next time. It is not a reason to be angry. So don't go psycho! Go shopping instead.
Don't Be Negative
Positive action requests a positive result. Being negative doesn't work because it doesn't ask for anything positive to happen. Criticism can be great fun but it won't solve the problem. Only positive action solves problems. Being negative repels other people instinctively because they know it is not a successful strategy. And other people won't want to be around you if they perceive you are an unsuccessful person. By being negative, you are waving a sign post that reads "I don't know how to get what I want. All I know how to do is complain."
Understand That What Others Do Is Not About You.
Other people do things for their own reasons. They usually don't do them intentionally to help or hurt you. They are just trying to get what they want. You may be in the way or you may not be. The best way to avoid the energy drain and friction that comes from confrontation is to stay out of the way of other people when it does not hurt you to do so. There is no point in having a confrontation over the fact that someone shoved you in the subway. It's simply energy draining and a complete waste of time. The Manolo Blahniks sample sale? That's a situation where you should get aggressive. Grab that last pair of silver stilettos right out of the hands of that pushy publicist ahead of you, sweetie!
How to Marry a Multi-Millionaire: The Ultimate Guide to High Net Worth Dating.(1)
How to Marry a Multi-Millionaire: The Ultimate Guide to High Net Worth Dating.
Introduction
IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY - SUCCESSFUL MEN ARE JUST SEXIER
Most women don't list wealthy or appearance as the most important characteristic in a mate. the most common qualities cited by women in a desirable man are confidence, charm, humor, intelligence, and aggressiveness. we all prefer a man who knows who he is a loves what he does.
Of course, these are primary characteristics possessed by most wealthy and successful men. In the business world you simply don't make it unless you are smart, confident and aggressive and know what you want. Even if they don't have it naturally, successful men develop humor and charm as tools from their experience in dealing with others. Most very high net worth men are quite charming, although they may sometimes appear brash and forceful to the point of rudeness or even bad taste. they are who they are and they want you to know it. This is a very attractive quality
Super-successful men re not generally shy, uncertain, tentative or insecure about what they want (although they may be vain and insecure in other ways). The nice thing about super-successful men is they won't waste your time if they don't want you. If they make an effort to be with you it's because they want to be with you.
And what woman doesn't want a man who wants her?
"It's not really about the money," says Kelly, a lithe tanned brunette with deep sea green eyes. "I love self-made men because there's tremendous security in knowing that whatever happens, they have what it takes to bounce right back. and there's something else. when a self made man flies you to Paris for the weekend in his private jet, you know he's doing it because he wants to be with you. Because there's a lot of others things he could be doing with his time."
It isn't just the cash that makes these men sexy. but the cash is a very nice side benefit.
Let's be practical. we all want a nice home, a good car, great clothes, vacations at a fashionable resort and the means to entertain our friends and raise our children in reasonable comfort and style. We want to put our children through a good college and we want decent jewelry to wear when we go out.
Does this make us all Gold Diggers?
No Way!
Is this too much to ask?
Of course not.
Now go back and add up the cost of the basic items we just mentioned. Then figure out the income you would need to cover the after-tax cost of those items and to put away a nest egg for your retirement. Now let's assume you live in New York City or another expensive urban center.
Finished calculating?
For these basic needs you will require pretax income at least $500,000 annually.
Now (if you are lucky enough to have a job) look at your pay stub for last month and multiply the income shown by 12.
Surprise!
It's not enough to cover even these basic needs. If you are like most working women, you will need at least 10 to 20 times what you are now earning to raise a family in reasonable comfort. And you may have a job where you will not be able to advance if you pause to have even one child, much less two or three.
Your dream life is already running a big deficit and you haven't even started yet!
Who is going to make up the difference?
Your future husband, that's who.
But where are you going to find a man who wants to marry you who makes a half million dollars a year? You aren't even meeting guys like that. How are you going to get one of these guys that you aren't even meeting to marry you?
It gets worse.
You don't even want a guy who makes $500,000 a year.
Why not?
Because $500,000 is not nearly enough money!
What about that second house in the Hampton or Palm Beach? They can easily run you another $2 to $35 million each or more. Not to mention a car for you, a live-in nanny, the maids in the city and the country, your spa treatments and yoga classes, your lunches at The Four Seasons and additional Plastic surgery as you get into your 40s. and what about your jet? I mean who wants to fly commercial anyway?
But here's more. What about that Bulgari watch you've had your eye on? Not to mention the $85 annual membership fee for the Southampton Bath and Tennis Club and $100,000 for the campaign to get in. and then there's another $6,000 a month in charity benefits just so you have something to do in the evening. And you don't want to have to worry about financial reversals, stock market declines and all those beastly lay-offs on Wall Street.
No. Your Husband must have a cushion. Your Husband must have a minimum net worth of at least $10 million with current annual income in excess of one millionaire dollars.
Now we are beginning to talk some sense.
"We want love, but we expect money," We were told by a former MS, Michigan and the winner of 25 other beauty pageants. "Most of my New York girlfriends won't date anyone who makes less than one million dollars a year." But this beauty, who is independently wealthy, says she can afford "to go down to "$300,000."
There are approximately 100,000 men in the united states with a net worth of over $10 million dollars and an annual income in excess of $1 million. Over half of them live in Manhattan, Los Angeles, Palm Beach and Aspen. there are about 160 million women living in America today.
Guess what? Those millions of women all want the same thing you do. This priceless book, will show you how to beat the odds and outsmart all 159.9 million of them while you land yourself a high net worth husband. Here's how to get started:
1) Buy this book immediately! 2) Get down to your fighting weight using the Gold Digger's Diet(TM) explained in this book. 3) Consult a top plastic surgeon to correct any obvious flaws and to enhance your appearance. 4) Move to Manhattan. 5) Get on the social scene, identify your knight in shining armor, pull him off his high horse.
Grab your knight in shining armor by the cojones!
Your husband-to-be is not going to descend from heaven on a white steed clad in shining armor. he is not going to come charging through your life and scoop you onto his horse and carry you away to the big house on the beach of your dreams. He is not going to call you site at home waiting for the phone to ring.
You are going to have to get out there and find your sexy mogul and pull him off his horse by the balls! Otherwise he will continue on his way seeking other women until he meets his match. who is his match? The girl who can knock his horse unconscious with a good right hook while standing upright in her Manolo Blahniks and holding a champagne glass in her left hand.
We don't care who you are or where you live. As long as you are under 35-year-old and don't have a face like a bashed crab you can marry a high net worth man following the steps listed in this book. And if you do have a face like a bashed crab, get it fixed and then follow the steps in this book. If you are over 35 years of age don't despair, you can always work the senior circuit which in many ways can be more lucrative than regular league play.
If you want to be poor, by all means sit at home waiting for your phone to ring. if you want a great life with the big lifestyle that comes with it, buy this book now and get out there and fight for it!
You might know her as the lovely (and brave) cohost of MTV's Loveline or from her current role on The Job, but this actress also has some hilarious secrets on friendship that she shares in her new book The Girl Code. Check out these five must-read dating rules before you go out on your next date - or send them to your favorite single friend! She'll thank you for it!
The Ugly Underwear Rule
If you really want to hook up on a first date, wear your ugliest underwear. Inevitably, you'll hook up.
The Unshaven Legs Rule
If you apply this and the ugly underwear rule at the same time, you'll probably marry the guy.
R.K.
When the date is over and you think you like him but you're still not exactly sure, a little recreational kissing probably won't hurt him or you. And…it may help answer that question of whether you're interested.
I.R.K.
Irresponsible Recretional Kissing is when you make out with him because you foolishly think you have to or when you already know you're not interested and just aren't mature enough to say so.
Pick Up After Yourself
If a girlfriend was kind enough to loan you an outfit for this important evening out, make sure you dry-clean it immediately. Don't keep it, thinking you have some nostalgic right to adopt it. Return it – cleaned – by next weekend, or you could karmicly damage the date you just had. (Not really, but return her damn clothes anyway.)
If you want to inject a little romance or spontaneity into a date, without breaking the bank, try following some of these ideas. You might just surprise yourself - and your partner!
1. Hike to the top of a mountain for a picnic.
2. Take a rowboat out on a lake at sunset.
3. Go up to the top of a building in a large city and take in the view.
4. Dress for a formal party, and then walk down the streets singing love songs.
5. Find a dark, romantic bistro with great coffees and desserts, or an independent book store that encourages browsing.
6. Find a rarely-used corner deep in the stacks of your library. Blow the dust off some musty old volume and read it aloud together. Steal a few hot kisses.
7. Pretend you've just won the lottery. "Shop" for your dream furnishings in elegant craft galleries, jewellery stores, and similar shops.
8. Test drive a sports car together.
9. Visit a specialty food factory such as a chocolate factory.
10. Browse a ritzy museum, gift shop or art gallery.
11. Drive along the outer borders of your city or county, exploring new neighbourhoods and villages where you've never been.
12. Ride a city's entire public rail transit system, going out on remote branch lines, just for the heck of it.
13. Spend the whole evening dressed and acting as characters from a play, movie, or book that you both enjoyed.
14. Speak only gibberish and let your thoughts be understood from your emotions, gestures, and tone.
15. Explore a wild and scenic place you've always wanted to check out.
16. Walk around celebrity neighbourhoods, looking for glimpses of the rich and famous.
17. Do something completely out of character--something you ordinarily wouldn't be caught dead even thinking about.
18. Go explore a local flea market one Saturday.
19. Get a guide book for your city. See you area through the eyes of tourists. You will be amazed at all the attractions that are hidden nearby.
20. Star gazing - Get a book on constellations and watch the stars. This can be especially fun during a meteor shower.
Ideas for Girls:
1. Go rollerblading. If you know how to rollerblade and he doesn't, teach him. If he knows and you don't, let him teach you. This date is great for breaking the ice because both of you will embarrass yourselves so much that you won't help but be able to laugh. Your true personalities will show.
2. Go for a walk, maybe some coffee after. It seems simple enough, but you'd be surprised about what you'd find out about someone if you'd just give them a chance to tell you. Besides, there's nothing like the ambiance of a great, romantic cafe to get you in the mood.
Ideas for Guys:
1. There's nothing like a good picnic. You can't argue with a classic.
2. Go to see the planes take off. This may be a little difficult, but sometimes there are little nooks and crannies by the highways and roads off of the runways. You can lie down on top of the hood of the car or lay a blanket on the ground and watch as the planes fly right over your head.
3. Plan a romantic evening with chocolate covered strawberries and slow music. Find some of her favourite songs and compile them onto one cassette and play them while you feed her strawberries.
Seasonal Ideas:
Winter Ideas
1. Make a lunch or dinner of hot soup and rolls together and set the table with candles. Play your favourite music.
2. Have an indoor picnic -- lay out a blanket and bring a picnic basket -- just have it on your living room floor!
3. Build a fire and roast marshmallows. If you don't have a fireplace, build a small safe campfire outside. Be sure to put it out completely when you're done and before leaving the area.
4. Build a snow fort together.
5. Surprise your date with "Summer in a Bag!" Get creative: Gather together 2 pairs of sunglasses, coconut suntan oil (for the smell of summer), Put on a Beach Boys CD, blow up a beach ball to toss and pretend it's hot out. It's silly, but it can take the edge out of the winter blues.
6. Make a snowman and snowwoman.
7. Go ice skating.
8. Make angels in the snow.
9. Bundle up and go someplace to watch the sun set over a silhouette of bare trees. As the sun goes down, watch them appear black and strikingly beautiful against the sky.
10. Go to a cappuccino bar, drink decaf and get to know one another.
11. Go sleigh riding.
12. Go for a walk in the snow and catch snow flakes on your tongue.
13. End a winter walk with hot chocolate and mini marshmallows.
14. Go to an arcade.
15. Rent a movie and pop some corn.
16. Rent and watch the video "It's a Wonderful Life!"
17. Assemble a really challenging puzzle.
18. Play board games.
19. Take a night-time walk to look at your neighbours holiday decorations and lights.
20. Go skiing -- downhill or cross-country.
Spring Ideas
1. Go wild-flower hunting. Pick your date a bouquet of wild-flowers. Put some in his/her hair.
2. Go for a walk in the park together.
3. Plant a window garden together.
4. Skip stones on a lake.
5. Have a picnic.
6. Go horseback riding.
7. Go on a hike.
8. Hire a professional guide and go rock climbing.
9. Go on a hot air balloon ride.
10. Go to the zoo to see the new baby animals that were born this spring.
11. Go for a walk in the rain (an umbrella is optional) and sing "Singing in the Rain!" really loudly.
12. Rent a bicycle built for two.
13. Go to a comedy club.
14. Look in your local paper for free or inexpensive concerts, shows and fairs.
15. Go to a park and play on the swings.
16. Play tennis.
Summer Ideas
1. Go to the top of a very tall building to watch the sun go down.
2. Jump through sprinklers together.
3. Go star gazing. Name a star for your date.
4. Lie on the grass and watch clouds. Use your imagination and talk about what you see in the clouds.
5. Go to an amusement park, go on scary rides and eat cotton candy.
6. Go rafting or canoeing or tubing (using a truck inner tube).
7. Walk on the beach. Bury each other in the sand.
8. Visit a boardwalk or carnival and play games.
9. Get up really early and meet to watch the sun rise -- then go for breakfast at a diner.
10. Run in a 5 K race together.
11. Do a walk-a-thon (for some cause you care about) together.
12. Go fishing.
13. Write a message and tie it to a balloon (or send it off in a bottle). Ask whoever finds it to mail you the message and tell you where they found it.
14. Get a group together and go camping.
15. Make home made ice-cream!
16. Watch a Little League game and cheer like you're watching the pros.
Fall Ideas
1. Decorate the house for Halloween or Thanksgiving.
2. Carve pumpkins.
3. Go apple picking and make an apple pie with the apples.
4. Go in-line skating.
5. Make a scarecrow together.
6. Go bike riding.
7. Get a big old barrel, water, and apples and invite a group of friends to dunk for apples. Have a camera available. There will be great shots!
8. Go to a flea market. Find the silliest thing for sale.
9. Go to a historic site. Try to talk like people from that period of time.
10. Go to a football game and cheer for the underdog, or for your home team.
Some New Issues About The Question Of The Online Dating Safety
We have already written some times about the most important rules of your online dating safety. But as you know, you can not be too careful, that's why such problems can be described more and more. Though there is a lot of information in the Internet, the only thing you must remember every time you enter the world wide web is that nobody will protect you better than you. Sure, all dating sites usually provide a thoughtful reasonable policy to protect their clients - but it can be effective only in the case when all the clients know the potential danger of their openness and sincerity towards some people, who misuse dating services and their functions. As for example, friends - we often live in apartment communities where the neighbour is as much a stranger as the man in the street. And now combine this with long working hours, stressful careers, busy diaries and the need for rest and recuperation and there are far fewer outlets for dating agencies than before. Indeed many would argue that the modern dating agency is in fact the workplace first and foremost with the after work bar a close second.
Always let them come to you, don't chase via email
Block anyone who annoys you instantly – and communicate just with persons you like
Use the best photo you can find
Don't reply to instant messages with clever opening lines
Remain aloof and let yourself be chased
Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt - it is a general rule, not just concerned about your safety
Never provide your true email or phone - when you start dating online, register a new e-mail, there are a lot of free email services in the Internet, so, it is not a problem to have hundreds of emails
Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn
Make sure your login name is stunning and sexy as well as enigmatic
Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best
Do not assume the man you are talking to is destitute or sad
Never ever reply to emails at weekends, wait until a weekday
Never state how good your sexual performance is in your profile - it is the thing you should prove it in the bed, not in the words
If you don't want to date married men spell it out in your profile
A man who doesn't reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored
Make sure your humour levels come across in text
Do not chat to hundreds of women/men at once, the delay in replying is a dead giveaway it won't amuse them
Don't even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out
Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results
Use an online service that allows you to post more than one photo for free
Do not use completely free agencies as you often don't get top quality services because they are expensive to run
Do find an online agency that offers email and messaging that are onsite
Do provide your correct mailing address when registering to receive the best facilities
Don't use agencies that insist on sending emails to your own home email inbox from site members
Your Nose Could Be The Best Compass While Seeking Your Soulmate
Everybody knows about love from the first look. That's how we choose our soulmate, looking at his appearance, mimicry, gestures. We also can hear his or her talking — and fall in love with the voice. But one of the dating agencies offered something revolutionary — a matchmaking by smell. According to the founders of that dating site, they can find you a partner who's heaven scent - forget speed dating or blind dates. When it comes to meeting the man of your dreams, the answer could lie no further than the end of your nose. A dating website claims the key to a finding a perfect match lies in body odour, with women preferring men who smell very differently to themselves, and vice versa. For £1,000 they will analyse a person's DNA for genes linked to the smell of sweat and then provide them with a list of potential suitors with different body odour to their own. The service, advertised as the first "to find matches who share chemical attraction with each other", is based around a series of scientific studies which have shown that opposites really do attract. Research shows that our sweat contains genes linked to the immune system and our ability to fight off disease. The more different these major histocompatibility, or MHC, genes are to your own, the more pleasant you find a person - and their sweat. It is thought the phenomenon evolved to prevent us unintentionally mating with relatives - or others who are genetically similar to us. It also ensures that any children a couple have will have broad immunity against disease. Those who sign up to that dating service are asked to provide details about themselves, their interests and the sort of person they would like to meet. Subscribers also asked to provide a sample of cells swabbed from the inside of their cheeks. DNA from the cells is then analysed in the lab for the MHC genes, and the results are compared with that of other subscribers. True love is not the only potential benefit, with the company saying chemically-matched couples will have more satisfying sex lives and be less inclined to cheat. The latter claim is based on a recent study showing that when couples share very similar MHC genes, the woman is more likely to be sexually dissatisfied with their partner, have a roving eye - and even an affair. [From online dating post]
The Mamma's Boy This guy probably lives with his mother, if not close enough for her to pop in for tea (every night). She will have helped him pick out his decor and there will be photos of her all over his apartment. He goes for Sunday dinner and has several cartons of homemade meals in the refrigerator that mom made for him. Why you should stay away: You will never live up to his mother and although he will love and cherish you forever he will take his mother's side every time. How to get rid of him: Tell him you don't like his mother. The Body BuilderThis guy will have photos of himself on every available space, along with his own home gym (even though he has a life time membership at the swanky one in town). He has all the latest gadgets and home entertainment systems. Why you should stay away: You will never see him as he is always down at the gym. He will spend more time in the bathroom then you. He collects trophies and likes one hanging off his arm. How to get rid of him: Tell him to give up the gym for you. The Womanizer This guy will treat you like a princess and is the perfect lover. He dresses well and is out to impress and impress he will (every woman he comes in contact with). He will, of course, have trouble remembering your name, with all the women he has on the go. Why You should stay away: His excuses for not showing up are getting more pathetic. You will have to compete with his phone as he has so many calls to return and text messages to answer. How to get rid of him: Tell him, "I use to be a man." The Workaholic This man is going places, but will he be taking you with him? He is smartly dressed, has great taste in decor and eats at the finest restaurants. However, his work will always come first. Why you should stay away: You have to make an appointment to see him. He will take you to elegant dinner parties then leave you with strangers while he talks shop. How to get rid of him: Tell him, "I’m taking a year off to travel. Do you want to come?" Your College LecturerHe is probably older than you, more worldly and gets you a good grade. Why you should stay away: If anyone found out about you, they would say you slept your way to better grades. Plus, he would lose his job and possibly his teaching position. How to get rid of him: Tell him somebody is blackmailing you and if you don’t stop seeing him, they are going to report you. Of course, there are exceptions. For example, if "the body builder" knows how to give you the same type of attention he gives his body then this could potentially be a good thing (as long as you can handle other women trying to pick up on him). And if you are a workaholic that has no plans of changing then being in a relationship with another workaholic will allow the two of you to focus more on your careers while hopefully having some focus left for each other. If "mamma's boy" mom loves you and you can get the same focus from the man as his mom gives then just maybe... it's a stretch. Remember, it's doubtful any of these men will change so it's best not to try and change them. A good approach to take in wanting out of one of these relationships is to be honest. This may gain more respect. Tell "mamma's boy" that he's too focused on his mom. Tell the womanizer that you only have room in your life for a man that only has room for you. It's doubtful that they'll change, but at least they'll know the real reason you don't want to pursue a relationship.
There is a saying that "you never get a second chance to make a good first impression." With that in mind, it is vital to be fully prepared to make a great impression on each date you go on. Here are 10 tips for men on dating success and making an impression that will last. 1. Take a Bath or ShowerOne of the worst things you could do when going out on a date (especially if it is your first date) is to turn up unshaven, looking dirty and smelling. Women are the cleaner of the species and will partly judge you on how hygienic you are. After all, you would be appalled if she turned up for the date looking like a mutt dog with tangled fur that hadn't bathed for days. It doesn’t cost anything to take a bath and to make an effort to look and smell nice. Remember, bad breath and body odor are an instant turn off and she will assume that this is how you are all the time even if you are just having a bad day. As a result, she won’t be able to see beyond your appearance. 2. Arrive on TimeWhatever you do, don’t turn up late. Turning up late will send out all the wrong impressions. At first she may think she's been stood up, but after arriving late her opinion will change to you being unreliable or not caring enough about her to be on time. If you are picking her up from her home then it is advisable to turn up five minute before you are due. Any earlier and you might catch her adjusting her makeup or still getting ready. Five minutes early is the earliest you should arrive. But never be late. 3. Give Her a Thoughtful GiftA woman feels special when the man she is with gives her a thoughtful gift. What is a thoughtful gift? Well, you obvious know some things about a woman before a first date that came from phone conversations, emails, etc. Take what you know and buy her an appropriate date gift. For example, let's say that the woman really likes golf. There are companies that make chocolate golf sets - a miniature chocolate club with a chocolate tee and chocolate golf ball. This would make a great first date gift. For a generic thoughtful gift, buy a chocolate rose. That's always appropriate without being overboard. 4. Be a GentlemanHold the door open for her, let her walk through the doors first, pull her chair, and be polite to her along with the people around you. Women like to feel special and by treating her like a lady she will think you are fantastic. 5. Compliment Her The first thing to say to her is you look beautiful before you even ask how she is. Keep up the compliments throughout your date, but do not go over board (3-4 for the night should be more than enough). A woman loves to be complimented, to feel beautiful and to think that you are attracted to her. The more sincere and observant your compliment, the bigger impact it will have. But remember again not to go overboard. More than four compliments may make you appear fake and not real. 6. Listen to Her and Ask QuestionsNobody wants to spend the whole night listening to someone talk about themselves. But you do have to get to know each other. Ask her questions, but more importantly listen to what she has to say. A woman is attracted to a man who is genuinely interested in hearing what she has to say. Spend a lot more time asking her questions and letting her talk than talking yourself. 7. Prepare for the ConversationThe last thing you want is to be sitting at a meal with nothing to talk about. Think about your date and what you would like to know about her. You may think that it is easy to talk and that you will not run out of questions to ask or that you will automatically have the answers but until you are in the situation, you have no idea what it will be like. Avoid talking about past relationships or other women while on the date. Keep your focus, attention, and conversation fully on her. 8. Pay for the DateIt's virtually always appropriate for a gentleman to offer to pay for the date. When a man takes it upon himself to pay for the date, he is displaying that old act of "chivalry" that is missing from many men these days. However, some women feel more comfortable going "dutch" and if she insists on this, then don't resist. To avoid awkwardness, make sure you let her know before the date that you plan on paying for it. 9. The Goodnight Kiss Some women prefer not to kiss after a first date, while others may be disappointed if the guy doesn't even try. There is no easy answer to this question. Body language and chemistry throughout the night is key in the decision you make. If it feels right, then you may want to consider making the move. If it doesn't feel right then a friendly hug may be more appropriate. 10. I'll Call YouOnly tell her that you will call her if you mean it and intend on seeing her again. Do not, under any circumstances, tell her you will call her if you are not interested and have no plans to call her. In this case, when saying goodbye, just say, "It was nice meeting you" and wish her luck. Or you could just say good night, smile and walk a way. But if you do like her and are interested, then you must let her know.
Online dating is so widely accepted now that many people let down their guard when it comes to communicating and meeting others. Don't let this happen to you. Here are four ways to protect your identity and be safer until the time is right: 1) Use an anonymous email account and make sure your full name isn't in the FROM area of emails (edit your account and change the name so that your name doesnt show on emails you send). This should be an account you created and use only for online dating. 2) There are several companies, like MyPrivateLine, that give you a temporary phone number that can't be traced. Home phone numbers can easily be traced to an address using Google and cell phone numbers can be easily traced to an address using a paid service. 3) Meet for the first time in a public place. Make sure a friend knows where you are at and who you are with. 4) Once you get to know someone better, consider doing a background check ($50+) on the person just for your own piece of mind. Pledge to always stay safe and never let your guard down. Listen to your gut instincts. Online dating is an awesome way to meet new, fun, and exciting people. Keeping safe will help keep you away from the few that try and give online dating a bad name.
Protect Yourself Against Online Relationship Scams
Searching for romance over the Internet has become more and more popular over the years. Online dating is nearly a billion dollar industry and scammers are cashing in on the trend, taking advantage of unsuspecting men and women. Every day, scammers target hundreds of online daters, and many have fallen prey to scams that cost online daters, on average, of more than $3,000. They do it by posing as women overseas and send you a note through an online dating service. They pretend to be interested in you and provide their "email address" so that you can continue communicating offline. Scammers use email to try and build an online relationship with you and they eventually profess their love. Once you do too, the scam kicks into high gear. An "emergency" (mother hospitalized, surgery needed) suddenly arises and they ask for money. Or they say they want to meet you, but need money to apply for a VISA to come see you. Little does the victim know that he's talking to professional con artists and has likely been communicating with another man, not a woman! The scams can get quite complex, including men hiring a girl to call you and pose as your online love interest. You can avoid being a victim of online relationship scams by taking note of these warning signs: Being Asked for MoneyThis is the most telltale sign of a scam. No matter what you think or what other people might say, it just isn’t a normal behavior to ask for money if you've never met someone in person. Scammers are quite creative – they will ask you to help with airfare so they can come and visit, cash a check, help out with an emergency for you to send a money order and so on. Some will ask for money fairly quick and others will show patience while trying to build a relationship with you, getting you to fall for the imaginary person in the profile they set up. Initiating First ContactScammers virtually always are the first to initiate contact with you. If you get an email (or wink) from someone overseas, it's best not to respond. Wanting to Communicate via EmailAn online scammer will want to take your communications to email as soon as possible because they know their profile may soon be deleted when an online dating service notices their pattern of emailing people. So many times in the very first or second email they will give you an email address and ask you to email them. Fake PicturesSome scammers will cut or scan photos from magazines. Trust your instincts. If you feel the photo is suspicious, chances are it’s probably a fake. But that's not always the case, as many scammers will actually steal someone else's photo and post it. Photos are usually of a very beautiful woman. Don't fall for it. Unwillingness to Share InformationThe person you are talking to showers you with attention and he seems to be overly interested in everything about you, yet doesn’t share a lot of information about themselves. If they are avoiding your questions like a seasoned politician, then run.. Messages VaryIf you are exchanging emails with someone overseas, watch out for inconsistencies like a variation in the style of the email, language differences, repetitive statements, etc.. The scammer who initiated the communication with you may not always be the same one that carries it through. If something doesn't seem right about the emails you are receiving, then its not right. Besides looking out for red flags you can take other measures to further protect yourself: 1) Be the one always initiating communication via online dating services. 2) Guard your privacy. 3) Communicate with people locally, not overseas. 4) Trust your gut instinct from the start. 5) Never reply to communications from someone who sends you a note and immediately includes their email address for you to continue the communication. Many people have fallen prey to online relationship scams. In one case, two men showed up at the same airport to meet a girl from overseas that they had sent money to for her "flight". Both were left holding flowers at the airport staring at each other. They had apparently been duped by the same scammer. While it is true that there are many people who find life partners over the Internet, it is best to always be on your guard when using online dating services. Don't get scammed!
Everyone has their own message style. Some people write long, informative messages while others write short and sweet memos. Millionaire dating / sugar daddy seeking messages tend to be upfront and sometimes a little hard-hitting. Not desperate to flatter or charm, sugar daddy messages often look more like business merger proposals than online love letters. What's YOUR message style? Do your messages sit well with you? Or do you find yourself editing them over and over again, never fully satisfied with the end result? If you answered yes to either question, you've experienced message anxiety! Message anxiety is a major problem for many online dating singles. Some users say that they've lost a chance at finding true love because of their inability to write and send messages in a timely fashion. If all else fails, write first, think later. At the very least, this approach will give you some material to work with, and maybe even a whole message- just don't forget the subject line!
How to Captivate a Man, Make Him Fall in Love with You -- and Give You the World
Tuesday
The secret to understanding men -- and using it to your advantage
When it comes to your relationships with men, which of the following do you find yourself saying? (Check the ones that apply to you.) "Why didn't he call?" "How can I find the right man? "Why do I always date losers? "Why doesn't he love me anymore? "What am I doing wrong? "Why do some women have great relationships with men -- and mine are always dull, unfulfilling and boring? "If only I could understand men...." If you checked one or more of the above, then the following article may be the most eye-opening one you'll ever read. The important thing to remember is that you're not alone. Most women -- whether single or married -- have asked themselves these kinds of questions. In my 16 years of relationship counseling, I've found that the reason women have these concerns is because they simply don't understand men. Did you know ... that you as a woman, by virtue of your femininity, have in your hands the delicious power to make a man fall in love with you, influence a man to your way of thinking, bring him to his knees, make him want to spend his life with you -- and want to fulfill your every desire? Yes, it's true! You can have a healthy, loving relationship. And the best part is that you can do it easily and effortlessly by being yourself -- and NOT shaping yourself into someone you're not just to keep your man interested. I'll give you solid proof of this in a moment. When you read this article in its entirety, you'll discover how to tap into the power that resides within you -- whether you want to revolutionize your dating life, get married or spark the fire within your marriage.
Who Am I -- and Why Should You Believe Me? My name is Bob Grant. I've been a Licensed Professional Counselor, therapist, and relationship coach for 16 years. The majority of my clients are women, who have sought my help in creating successful, satisfying, and fulfilling love relationships by simply understanding men. More than the certificates and licenses I've accumulated over the years, I take most pride in the number of wedding invitations I receive from my clients who've found successful, healthy relationships as a result of my relationship advice and tips. I've also saved dozens of marriages from disaster, dissolution -- and just plain boredom. That's why I'm called "The Relationship Doctor." I have the prescription for finding love, keeping passion alive, and reigniting relationships that have lost their spark. The method I'm about to reveal to you is not based on theory, guesswork or the "psycho-babble" that's disseminated by pop psychologists, self-help books and women's magazines. Unlike other resources that claim to help you understand men, my strategy is based on real-life feedback from thousands of real-life women who tried my relationship advice and found that it produced a dramatic difference in their relationships with men. Now, you can find out what my method can do for you. Whether you're ... a single woman who wants to attract the right man -- or add romance to your dating life a woman who dates frequently, but finds it hard to sustain a relationship with a man; a woman who wants to be married but can't seem to persuade the man in your life to pop the question; or a married woman who wants to spark the fire within your marriage and enjoy deeper intimacy with your husband ... you'll discover the secret that will make you radiate like a warm and glowing campfire -- and give you an aura that men will find absolutely irresistible.
How to Be the Woman Men Adore ... and Never Want to Leave Have you ever met the kind of woman ... that men fall hopelessly in love with with whom men want to spend all their time whom men want to please and do anything for who brings out the romantic and passionate side of a man; and to whom men want to give everything? What special quality, trait, or personality does this woman have that men find attractive and draws them like a magnet, makes men powerless in her hands, and makes them want to spend their lives with her? I've personally met many women like this -- and here's the startling observation I've made: These women are not necessarily the most beautiful, the tallest, the smartest, the one with the most gorgeous hair, sexy legs or the most ample breasts, as one might think! A look back in history reveals the likes of ... ... homely divorcée Wallis Simpson, for whom the Duke of Windsor abdicated the throne of England; ... the early-twentieth-century French writer Colette (described as having a "frightful" appearance), who managed to have numerous male conquests; ... Martha Gellhorn, the plain-looking scholar for whom Ernest Hemingway became love-sick and never recovered; ... Mumtaz, for whom the Emperor Shah Jahan built the Taj Mahal; and ... Camilla Parker Bowles, who won the heart of Prince Charles. And then, of course, there's Barbra Streisand, who captured the heart of, and later married, the handsome actor James Brolin. In fact, she reportedly refused his many marriage proposals before finally agreeing to be his wife. These kinds of women know the secret to creating magic with men. And here's the good news for you, if you're like most women who struggle with relationship trouble. The ability to create magic with men is NOT really magic at all. It’s a skill which can be learned by any woman -- and that includes you! Before I tell you how to acquire that secret skill (which already resides inside you, though dormant), let me ask you a question:
Why Do Most Women Struggle in Their Relationships with Men? There are many reasons why women have relationship trouble, but as I mentioned before, the main reason is that women simply don't understand men. If a woman really understood men, she'd know how to effortlessly attract men like a magnet, make men powerless in her hands, have them treat her like a queen, and give her everything her heart desires. The main obstacle women face in their effort to understand men is that they turn to all the wrong things: They seek advice from their girlfriends, who are just as clueless as they are in figuring men out; and they read dime-store relationship advice from women's magazines. If you're like most women, you probably love talking to your girlfriends about your relationship troubles, and -- yikes! -- asking them for relationship advice. Unless your girlfriend happens to be a professional relationship therapist, who has counseled many couples towards successful relationships -- and unless she herself has a successful relationship with a man (very important!) -- it's unwise to take relationship advice or tips from your girlfriend (or your mother, sister, cousin or aunt, for that matter). By all means, seek the listening ear of a girlfriend if you simply want to unburden -- and if talking to your girlfriend makes you feel better. But always remember that talking to your girlfriends (as depicted accurately in the once-popular Sex and the City TV series), fosters deeper and better friendships with your girlfriends -- but does nothing to improve your relationships with men. Now, don't get me wrong. Some of your girlfriends might indeed have the wisdom to give you good advice -- but that advice will almost always be based only on their own limited experience and observation. Just because your girlfriend has had an experience similar to yours doesn't mean her advice applies to your situation. I chuckle every time I remember the story of a woman who spent hours on the phone with her girlfriend discussing why her boyfriend was giving her the silent treatment, and what she might have done to provoke it, and what she could do to get him talking again. All the while, her boyfriend was just not in a talkative mood because he was worrying that the carburetor in his car wasn't working right! Just goes to show how little women know about men!
Everything You Ever Learned About How to Attract and Keep a Man is Wrong! There's another insidious thing masquerading as relationship advice for women -- and that is, women's magazines. Women's magazines teach women how to look, be and act around men -- and only serve to impress other women, propagate poor self-image, and show women how to "hook" a man by being everything but themselves. Sadly, most of the relationship tips that women's magazines give were written by women for women -- and they don't enable women to understand men at all. What if I told you that you could make a man adore you just by being yourself? Yes, you don't have to be anything but yourself. There's just one condition. You also have to understand what a man wants.
Will Giving a Man What He Wants Get You What You Want? My answer is a resounding "Yes!" Here's the hidden key to a loving relationship. Men want to be enraptured by a woman. They may not admit it openly, but they want to be lured, finessed, bewitched, possessed and seduced by a woman -- and they don't mind surrendering to her siren maneuverings and be rendered powerless by her. A man would gladly give anything to the woman who can make him feel good. Unfortunately, most women simply don't know how to make a man feel good. Believe it or not, the majority of women have the mistaken notion that learning a few sexual tricks and bedroom stunts from Cosmo and the Kama Sutra, or cooking him sumptuous meals "better than Mama ever made" ought to do the trick -- and their man would stay devoted to them forever. That's an outdated mode of thinking derived from the old wives' tale that says "The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach" -- or his crotch, in most instances. If that were true, then sex therapists, prostitutes and professional chefs would have the best marriages, wouldn't they?
How to Online Date - Tips For Writing A Seductive First Email
Guys... Why don't hot girls ever email you back? This article will teach you some advanced techniques to capture her attention and make a connection with her. You'll be able to craft emails that will leave her *needing* to know more about who you are.
Analyze the bad emails she gets 50 times a day and see why they don't work.
Hot women online dating get a ton of emails from guys every day. Let's start by looking at the average email a guy sends a girl on an online dating website and why it doesn't work. I'm not accusing you of writing one of these, but just in case you *might* have, take a quick look. It goes something like:
"Hi, I saw your profile and you are really cute! I like your hat in that picture, it's really nice, where did you get it? Anyway, come take a look at my profile and if you like what you see, email me!"
This email can be broken down into three parts. Bad. Badder. Baddererest.
Sentence 1: Bad The last thing a hot girl who gets 50 emails a day wants to read is another average guy saying another average thing. Also, ban "cute" from your vocabulary. Cute is so bland and overused, it barely has any meaning to women anymore. Besides, women want to be beautiful. Not cute. Ask them!
Sentence 2: Worse "I like your hat" is a good example of the bad online dating advice given out by MSN and Yahoo online dating "experts" (COUGH). They say "find something in her profile or photo and ask her about it." That's great if you want to be her friend, but it doesn't make any kind of connection, so forget it. I'll tell you what to ask about in a minute when I'm done having my fun tearing apart this bad email.
Sentence 3: Worst Just a well educated guess, but I'd say 80% of bad emails to girls end with "come take a look at my profile and if you like what you see, email me." What's wrong with that? First, everyone does it. Second, you need to end your email with a command, not a suggestion! Salesmen and marketers call it a "call to action", like "BUY NOW!" You don't need to go that heavy, but realistically, anything commanding and interesting is better than a passive "if you like what you see..." You'd be better off ending it with "rabid monkeys are eating my fingers as I type, email me back or they'll finish me off!" Actually, I kind of like that one. Feel free to try it out.
Thus ends our "Anatomy of a Bad Email" lesson... Step2STEP 2: Basics of a good email
The most important online dating tip I can give you is... BE INTERESTING! Most guys really do write the same boring email over and over. If you really want to blow her away, and grab her attention from the pack, you need to get her attention by being interesting and unique, and then create a connection with her.
The easiest way to get her attention is to have a sense of humor and one of the strongest ways to build a connection with her is by being insightful. You are about to learn both. Step3Step 3: How to have a sense of humor...
There are lots of ways of showing a sense of humor in an email, but this is a simple technique that anyone can do. First, read her profile up and down, back and forth. Pick out something that is completely unique to this girl, and ignore all the stuff she's written that you've seen already in dozens of other women's dating profiles.
For example, she says, "I'm smart, funny, unique, love baseball, study medicine, and also work on a chicken farm."
Forget everything but the chicken farm. The chicken farm makes her unique! Try to let your brain come up with the craziest, funniest observations you can. You might write something like:
"A chicken farm? I love chickens! We'd be the perfect couple... You could poach extra chickens from work and I could fence them on the chicken black market. Eventually we could build up a nest egg and flee the coup to sunny Chichen Itza!"
Ok, that's a bad set of puns, even for me. But you get the humor in it and she will too. You are touching on what makes her unique, the little point that most guys ignore in order to go for the easy and mundane stuff like "I like your hat." Picking out the unique points alone will get her attention, and having a sense of humor about them will win her over. Step4Step 4: How to be insightful
Guys don't really read profiles. Sure, we skim them over a couple times and look for points to talk about, but we don't usually read between the lines. We don't really look for the depth of her words, the subtext of what she is really saying... what she is really asking for. What am I talking about? Let's go right to an example.
Here's a section of a woman's profile: "I've been here before, perhaps too many times, each time a little more jaded. If only we could be more honest with each other, the world would be a better place. I'm looking for a guy who is kind, faithful, and sincere."
Is she saying she is looking for a kind, faithful, sincere guy? Only on the surface. What she is really telling us is...
"I've been hurt by men."
How did I get that out of the above paragraph? Re-read what she's saying: she's come back time after time, even more jaded, which means she's gone through numerous relationships, each of them having ended badly. She's wishing for more honesty, which means she's faced a lot of deceit. And she's looking for a guy who is kind, faithful and sincere, which heavily suggests that she knows what she wants because she's done time with a lot of guys who have been unkind, unfaithful, and insincere to her.
So, I see this profile and I see a girl who has been hurt, and I know that she will respond to a guy who is kind, faithful and sincere? So is that how I present myself?
*NO!*
I'm going to do even better. There's a guy that she'll respond to way more readily than the above guy... a guy who UNDERSTANDS HER! Forget everything about what women say they want on the surface! Deep down... they want to be understood (we all do really). Being a guy who understands who she really is and sympathizes with her is much more powerful and rare.
To address that, I would write something like: "I read your profile and couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness at your words. We all seek happiness in life, but disappointment certainly seems to find its way in often enough. Like you, I simply seek a bright sunny day in a cloudy world."
I don't confront her issues directly of course, a subtle brush is all it takes to get her attention and let her know that the potential is there. This would certainly get her attention away from the guys who write "I'm sincere, honest, and faithful." You know... the same guys that hurt her in the past? Step5Step 5: Wrap it up
So you've grabbed her attention with humor, then you let her know that you are an intelligent, insightful guy that is really paying attention to her. You've got her attention. Now you just need to wrap it up and drive her towards your profile (if you are simply on a classified site like Craigslist, you will want to add more details about yourself).
There are lots of great ways to wrap up your email to her. A simple and effective one is to create a positive image of the two of you together, and command her reply.
For example: "Picture this... You and I walking in the park, playing catch or just kicking around with a couple of ice creams on a sunny Saturday... If that's the way you love to spend a lazy weekend, we'll get along famously. My email is at the bottom, you know what to do!"
Now simply wrap those three things together... in your own words of course... and start emailing girls. And wait, one more critical thing... Always include your picture! Having a great photo is a different article, but it's something you absolutely must do.
What... you thought it would be as simple as writing "Hey baby, what's up?" :) Cheers and happy dating!
Online Dating is a very popular way to meet people and to date. There are, however, dangers to online dating. Creating a safe profile is one of the keys to staying safe.
Do not put your contact information in your profile such as your email, phone number or address. If you need to talk to someone online try to use a messaging tool such as MSN, Yahoo, or AOL. Remember, it's safer to email and chat through the dating site. Some scammers are more willing to chat on Yahoo or MSN since there's no monitor for them. You can become a member for free here to check more detailed tips for this.
If you have children do not talk about your children in your profile. Although people may be interested to know if you have kids or not, it is not wise to tell anyone about your kids until you feel comfortable with the person.
When posting a picture of yourself remember that the people looking at that picture will judge you on it. Select the picture you think works well for what you want to get out of online dating. Load pictures that you think may appeal to the kind of people you want to meet.
Write a smart headline: Stay away from overused catch phrases or trite one-liners. Think about what makes you unique. Your headline can be about you or about who you are seeking. Stay away from negative or apathetic headlines, "I'm lonely," "Pick me" or "Blah, blah, blah," for example. Think of something that is important to you to share with a mate and then use a headline based around that (art, music, tennis, travel).
Use Pictures Wisely: For your main photo, use a clear picture that shows your face. You can include other candid shots in your additional photos that show full length, or close-up in a variety of situations.
Use recent photos and update them once every couple of weeks. We are usually our own worst critic so enlist some friends to help pick the most flattering pictures for your profile.
Keep It Positive: Information about bad break-ups, bitterness, and hostility are a sure way to get passed by. It might be a sign that you aren't ready for a new relationship.
Keep your profile focused on you, not on a laundry list of expectations. What do you like to do? What things are important to you in life? Don't mention exes and avoid bragging or focusing only on your career.
Be Honest About Who You Are: If you are funny by nature, write funny. If you aren't, then don't. Try to make your real personality come through in your writing. Don't pretend to have interests just to impress someone. If you love listening to 80's music, say so. On the Internet, you are never alone.
Pretend It's a Cover Letter: Just because it is personal business doesn't mean you can forgo spell check and punctuation. Proofread your profile and ask other people's opinions on it. Your friends will tell you whether or not it sounds like you.
There's a fine line between too much and not enough when it comes to dating profiles. That goes for both information and word counts. Several short paragraphs will do more for you than two sentences. Likewise, no one wants to wade through the first three chapters of your biography online either.
Online dating is now mainstream with its popularity growing daily. So, what are you waiting for? Find Mr. or Mrs. Right online with these tips.
Yahoo Personals and Match.com are the largest online dating sites with the most members. Consider joining one of these online communities if you do not have specail requirements of your match.
If you have a particular interest, there are many niche online dating services for you. For example, if you want to meet rich and wealthy men or beautiful woman and celebrities, try millionairecupid.com or millionairematch.com since they are the most reputable millionaire club in the dating inudstry.
Once you've found a dating service you like, use an attention-grabbing headline and write an upbeat, positive profile. Make it stand out by writing interesting things about yourself and the kind of person you're looking for. Leave all negativity and inappropriate or offensive writing out.
Be realistic. If you are a 60-year-old man and you write that you are looking for women 20 to 40, you are not likely to attract many dates. It's OK to have specific ideas in mind of what you're looking for, but keep it open-minded and realistic.
Post great pictures of yourself. These should be recent (within a year) and be clear, non-distracting shots. Do not post pictures that have other people in them, especially members of the opposite sex. Only post photos that you have you in them. Posting a picture of just your dog will not help the reader know if he or she is attracted to you.
Be honest in your essay. Lying about your age means you are starting off the relationship with a lie. It's not necessary to divulge everything about yourself but don't stretch the truth. When you meet potential dates, they will find out the truth anyway.
If you are having a lot of trouble writing your essay or coming up with a good headline, consider enlisting the help of a professional writer.
The Internet, email, chat rooms and cell phones all help to make long distance relationships much more common these days. But they don't make long distance dating easy, by any means. Here are some tips to help make your relationship work.
Make up your mind to commit to the relationship completely. Long distance relationships are hard enough. They're pretty well impossible if you're indifferent about the person on the other end of the phone line.
Set a date for the next time you will see your partner. If you know when you're next going to see each other, it will make the time in between seem that much more bearable.
Make any necessary arrangements for the trip, such as booking time off work, buying bus or plane tickets.
Try to have some form of contact most days. Even if you just send a text message to let him know you're thinking of him, it will help you both feel more connected.
Every now and then, go the extra mile. Write her a letter or send a card. Even make up a parcel of small gifts or newspaper articles from your city paper to remind her that you're thinking of her even from miles and miles away.
Send some fun emails to each other. Fill out and forward an email questionnaire about yourself, and get him to do the same in return. It helps you find out more about each other in a relaxed way.
Try communicating by instant messenger. You can almost have a proper conversation and it's free.
Consider investing in a web cam, if you don't already have one. It allows you to see each other and can help you to feel like you are almost in the same room.
If you live in different countries, research the cheapest ways to communicate by phone. International phone cards may be a good way to call, or there are a number of Internet phone packages.
Recruit friends to help you. They may find it hard to be supportive if they have never met your loved one, so consider encouraging them to email her or speak to her on the phone when she calls you.
Depending on whether each dating site charges per month or whether they are free, the features they offer as part of their program will also differ.
Most dating sites will allow you to post your profile for free. When you browse their existing profiles and you find a person you might like to contact, most sites will not let you contact them unless you pay.
Contacting the interested person maybe either via a "wink" or an "Instant Messenger" or internal email via the site. Each of these features will be useful in their own right.
A quick and easy method to show your interest to the person you are interested is to send a "wink". This way you don"t have to come up with your own "chat up line" or other creative ways of getting their attention. The dating site will have predefined "winks" setup so you just select one wink you like and then "voila!" your desired person will have got your "wink". If they are interested they can "wink" or message you back.
Sometimes it is better to Instant Message a person. If you find that person rarely comes "online" you can watch for them and just say "Hi".
An internal email message to the interested party is best. You can describe yourself better and plant a better "first impression". "Instant Messages"invitations may be rejected as they don"t know much about you.
If the online dating site you signed up has chat rooms, you can say "Hi" in the chat room and then take the conversation to a private "whisper" mode for more privacy to converse.
5) Take Your Time To Get To Know
Some people who start on dating online rush into relationships that they later regret. It is critical that you get to know the other person very well before arranging a face to face meeting..
There are several reasons for this. Firstly, your only interaction with this person has been electronically.. Sometimes you may have taken the conversation to a phone conversation by exchanging numbers or calling that person. On these mediums the other person can easily create quite a "make believe" scenario and in the "heat of the moment" you might be blind to the reality's.
It is very important to get to know them from all angles before committing to meet them in person. One of the best ways is to ask questions. Especially open ended questions. Whatever you do, do not assume anything about the other person. This is not fair on either of you. Either because you are not telling yourself the truth, and not fair on the other person as you may be misjudging them.
When you are ready to meet, choose a place to meet which you feel comfortable with. Be yourself, and enjoy the dating process. Best of all, have fun getting to know the other person. If it is not fun then it is not worth your time.
Decide what kind of dating or relationship you want to have. Specify clearly in your profile exactly what your looking for.
Is it marriage, a long-term relationship, short-term casual dating, or even intimate encounters for very short-times.
This helps you identify what you are looking for and lets other people know what you are looking for as well.
3) Setup Your Amazing Profile
The profile needs to be informative and appealing, yet stand out from the crowd in some way. In fact, it should reflect the true you as much as possible. Now, there are some do's and don'ts where online dating profiles are concerned, so let's look at those more closely.
Pictures - It's critical to put up at least one picture of yourself in an online dating profile. With a picture in place - even a bad picture - you're profile will get viewed ten times more than a profile without one. Your first name - Using an online "handle" or nickname is ok, but you should reveal your first name in your profile. This makes you appear much more honest and open. Without a name, people may be inclined to believe you're an imposter, or that you're trying to hide something. Just your first name - Do not reveal your full name in an online dating profile. You never know who might come across it, and what kind of person they might be. So always use caution with how much personal information you reveal online. Write a bit about yourself - Don't write your life's story. This part can be as long or as short as you'd like, but it's best to summarize in just a paragraph or two. Stay upbeat here, don't complain about failed relationships and a cheating ex.
Again, don't reveal anything overly personal when putting information about yourself in your online dating profile. It's fine to explain what profession you're in for instance, but don't specify exactly where you work or who you work for. Likewise there's no problem stating the area you live in, but don't include your home address and phone number. What are you looking for? - This part is for you to explain why you're creating this online dating profile to begin with. Do you want friends? Frequent dates? A romantic relationship? A life partner? Summarize those desires here, without going into intimate details. You want to make sure you've left things to talk about with men or women when they contact you. What are your likes and dislikes? - Now this part can be used to explain things you like or don't like in a mate or friend, or it can be used for general likes and dislikes in life. Don't make a long list of every single thing you can think of here, just put the top 5 or 10 as a starting place. Remember: Your online dating profile is designed to generate interest from the type of men or women you're looking for. Keep it upbeat and positive. When done well, an online dating profile can generate lots of interested prospects, while leaving you plenty left to talk about and learn about each other too.
This is the most important step and you need to pick a good dating site to get going. Unfortunately not all internet dating sites do the right thing, and if you do choose the wrong one you're likely to waste both your time and money. You could also walk away from online dating thinking every site is a con. This simply is not true and there a several reputable sites out there.
Browse each online dating site very carefully. Read the members comments and look in any "feedback" areas and read the "Terms and Conditions". Be suspicious of any sites who state that some profiles may be for marketing purposes only.
Once you have decided on a site, sign up as a trial member. Browse the member profiles on the site and read each profile. Look at what they are looking for in their dating partner and see if you are compatible. Some online dating sites will allow you to browse profiles without registering first. You can use this opportunity to browse the dating profiles and assess whether that online dating site is your kind of place to hang around.
Remember that if it sounds to good to be true it probably isn't. Some sites try to trick people into paying for full memberships by sending messages from their "Marketing Profiles" to new members. Once the member has joined up the marketing profile disappears. If you get an unsolicited message from a super model who claims to live next door, you may be very lucky. You may also be being conned.
Not all Dating Sites are the equal. Some are fancy. Some are quality. Some are cheap. Some are free. Some are completely deceptive and make you think they much larger than they really are. Think before you pay for anything and check out the options before you commit.
Tips for choosing a reputable dating site:
Don't be fooled by sites that say "Member Listings"
If you see the term "Member Listings" on a dating site with a large number in front of it, beware! It does not necessarily mean they have that many members.
If a site displays "1,042,252 Member Listings" they probably don't actually have that many physical members. They could have 1 member that has a million listings. "Member Listings" can be things like photos, interests, messages, notices, etc. You will obviously do poorly on these sites. Some sites operators do this to make themselves seem larger than they really are, Don't be conned into signing up.
Do look for sites that say "Members"
Look for sites that say "Members" not "Member Listings" this is the number of actual people who have registered on that dating site. Not the number people multiplied by their interests, photos, messages, etc.
Don't get conned by "Online Now"
"Online Now" is generally displayed on the top right hand corner of most dating sites. One would think that "Online Now" represents the number of actual people you can meet right now. This is correct on most of the reputable dating sites but unfortunately not all sites play fair and they will do anything to con you into signing up.
We found one site in particular that regularly displays "7,000 to 10,000 Online Now" in Australia most of the time. This includes 2am on a Wednesday morning. This which seem pretty unlikely considering most have to work in the morning.
Often if you click on their "Online Now" link, they do not show you a breakdown of their "Online Now" figures and how they are made up. Rather a registration page which requires you to join before receiving any explanation at all. Don't go any further!
Often their explanation for calculating the number of people "Online Now" includes a rather large of people who are not visible, not logged and cannot be contacted. "Online Now" in the context of dating site should mean people you can meet right now.
We can only guess they do this to give the impression there is a lot more activity on the site than there really is, This is another way they try to con you into getting you to sign up.
Do think about the Maths Larger web sites in Australia have around "4,000 Members Online" The larger and well established sites in Australia have up to 4,000 members online during their peak times This is between 8 and 11pm each night. To put the false and misleading "7,000 to 10,000 Online Now" figure into some sort perspective. The largest dating web site in world, (Source: Guinness Book of Records) has approximately "15,000-20,000 Online Now" at given time. Given that Australia is about 2% of the worlds entire internet traffic, the maths just don't add up.
Don't get conned by False Messages Beware of messages from beautiful Women, Couples and Men! If you submit your profile to a dating site and all of a sudden you start receiving messages from people that seem too good to be true, beware! Be especially cautious if you have not paid for a subscription to that dating site.
Some unsavoury dating site operators may create fake profiles of women, couples and men on their own web sites. These fake profiles then send messages, kisses or winks to your profile. Here's the catch, for you to send a reply message you have to pay for a subscription.
Once you have paid for your subscription and try to contact these people you will never hear from them again.
The Dating Guide has conducted some testing on this matter. We tested most of the dating sites in Australia is by submitting several male profiles to the same site. The profiles we created for each site where extremely diverse, some of them were filled out meticulously while others had silly things in them like; "I have 2 heads and 6 arms and a ear on my forehead".
We then waited to see if we received any messages...
On some of the sites we tested all of the profiles including the silly ones received exactly the same message from exactly the same women stating; "she would like to hookup sometime". The woman's profile was unbelievable, she was perfect in every respect including pictures of herself in lingerie. When we had paid for a subscription she disappeared and did not return any of our messages again. On a positive note there are all sorts of people on the more reputable sites including some very attractive, women, men & couples. Its more than likely however that you will have contact those people yourself. It's unlikely they will just contact you out the blue! Getting results on dating sites is like anything else in life, you have to work at it and put some time and effort in to get results.
Do look at Reputation, Reputation, Reputation! It's not all bad news. The larger and more well established dating sites definitely do the right thing and there are many many testimonials and success stories available on the internet and from the sites themselves.
Do you know how to make relationships last? Would you like to know the secrets to successful marriages? If you are searching for a relationship that goes on and on and endures throughout time, you need to consider the following points. There are four major predictors that determine which relationships will survive and which ones will not.
Why Relationships Fail: Four Predictors
The power of positive versus negative comments
People in failing relationships look for what is wrong with others (especially their mate) instead of what is right. During a conversation where the two people held opposing views, the ones who had a good relationship said something nice to the other one five times more than they said something critical. In relationships that don't last, the ratio of good comments versus bad ones to each other was one to one.
Accepting responsibility to be in a committed relationship
When one or both people don't take responsibility for their commitment and allow themselves to be attracted to others, they are in trouble. Some people feel there is nothing wrong with a little "harmless" flirtation. On the contrary, research shows that in every close conversation, there is the possibility of secreting oxytocin (a hormonal chemical) that creates a bond. These interactions can make people feel like they are falling in love. But people can consciously choose not to cross a boundary when they feel even slightly attracted to someone else. They can change their focus. They do not have to be a victim of this attraction.
Forgiveness
There is no "perfect" relationship and even the best ones will have some ups and downs, but is is how couples ride those rough times that determines if the relationship succeeds. People who are good at relating will try to repair any damage that is done in their partnership. They will offer apologies and make gestures to right what has caused hurt.
Attitude
Understanding that you need to teach others how to treat you in order to get your needs met will move you from the victim column into the winning column. There are, however, some attitudes that indicate a relationship will break up. The kinds of behavior that will erode closeness are contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
Why relationships don't last is profound but simple. You need two people who treat each other with love, affection, respect, and support, and have a commitment to each other. You deserve a love that lasts--so think about the above.
Cheating partners may not seem like a big deal unless you suspect you might have one.
I just finished reading 46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair and it got me thinking. Just how many people are sneaking off with someone else?
The internet leads to all kinds of numbers on cheating. Some surveys found over 50% of the people polled to be unfaithful (both men and women!). Think that's worrying? Consider this: studies done worldwide show that about 2 of every 10 of us were born as the result of an affair!
You can even find websites dedicated to catching cheating partners. If you're thinking of dating somebody, maybe you want to check if they are a serial cheater! One of these sites is Woman Savers, which is a forum for women to "dish the dirt" on cheating men and inform whole world about them (photos included).
If all of this is so, and we generally have a number of partners throughout our lives, doesn't this mean that at some point we have a cheater on our hands? And if we have one, do we know it? Or do we turn a blind eye?
Reflecting on the people in my own life, I realize that a great many of them or their partners have cheated in one relationship or another. Some are serial cheaters, but many have only done it once. No one is really immune!
Knowing what to look for - beyond just the classic lipstick on the collar sign - will help you be more aware. So have a look through these 46 clues.
A word of caution with stuff like this...
You might panic thinking, "Number 3 sounds familiar. So do 6 & 10. And 14, 19, 25, & 40 too!"
But before you march off to declare your loved one an adulterer, wait a minute. Relax! Ask yourself... could there be another explanation? Sometimes there is. It's tricky, but remember that doing something rash could end-up hurting your relationship for no reason. People generally don't take well to being accused of cheating, especially when they're not.
This doesn't mean you should let your guard down. Just pay attention.
A particularly good piece of advice from the list is to observe how your partners' friends and coworkers behave towards you. You can even extend this to relatives too. There's a good chance that if your partner has stopped confiding in you, then s/he is talking to someone else. And while your beloved may be good at lying to you, others may have trouble doing so. But again, this can be tricky...and you must use a great deal of tact. Otherwise you risk damaging your rapport with these people if they sense you don't trust your partner and are just hunting-down info.
If you haven't yet reached the point of suspicion, then take action! You can do something to limit the chances your partner might wander.
Whether you've been together for ten weeks or ten years...don't forget that relationships always need some revamping to stay fresh. No matter how tired or busy you feel, putting extra effort into your relationship now (before an affair starts) will save you heartache down the road.
Don't let things fizzle out. Put some time into revitalizing your bond today.
We all know that meeting that special someone at the local bar, the gym or through friends can take a lot of time and often a lot of luck. If hanging around bars or clubs in the hope of stumbling into your next lifelong partner does not appeal to you then perhaps you should consider what online dating has to offer. When online dating first took-off in the mid-nineties, it offered something that was entirely new and unique. It empowered people by giving them a way to find and communicate instantly with thousands of other people from other parts of the world and from all walks of life.
It has come a long way since that time. The number of people now using dating services is huge and growing every day. According to a recent report by Comscore, about 30-million Americans and about 37-million Europeans were actively using dating sites as of July 2006. Many of the leading sites claim well over 10-million members. Just put that into perspective for a moment. Ten million is roughly comparable to the number of people living in a major international city such as London or New York. In other words, you can think of each of these dating sites as very large cyber-cities.
Of course, as well as the mega sites, there are also plenty of smaller-scale dating sites, the equivalent to cyber-towns, as well as lots of smaller special interest sites that offer services for people who share something in common. Where you go, and what you do is entirely up to you, and really depends on what you are looking for. But needless to say, there's something for just about everyone. It's generally best to decide what you want before signing-up, so that you choose the service that's right for you. If you're prepared to travel, that gives you more options and means you have more choice about which sites you use. You should also consider the type of relationship you are looking for. Would you prefer an open forum where you contact other people, or would you prefer to be paired up with someone?
So what's on offer? Here's a brief overview.
Popular dating services offer an open forum, where you can browse picture profiles of thousands of other members. Most services offer the ability to search for people by location, by personal characteristics, by interest and hobbies, among many other things. The most popular sites include Match.com, Yahoo Personals, and FriendFinder, but there are many others that are well worth a look. Most sites offer a free trial, but generally you need to become a paying member if you want to contact somebody.
Matchmaking services offer additional features such as profiling and compatibility testing to help you find your ideal partner. Some sites, such as eHarmony will even do the matchmaking for you suggesting which people are most suited to you. For those who are security conscious, True.com and Honestyfirst.com screen all potential members to ensure they are not married, or criminals. They claim to have prevented many undesirables from slipping through by doing such checks.
Free dating services are popping up more and more these days. They usually make ends meet by showing ads on their sites. So if adverts don't bother you, why not check out one of the free sites, such as PlentyOfFish.com, or Amoureux.com.
Special interest sites bring people together with something in common such as being a single parent, religious beliefs, age, or a certain hobby.
Adult dating is for those who are looking for something short-term and casual, without commitment.
Here are some dos and don'ts
When using dating services, having realistic expectations is important. People often become dissatisfied when they have unrealistic expectations about the people they are going to meet. The result is that women often complain that they are approached by men who they see as losers, while the men complain that they write to women who never reply.
Men should avoid the shotgun approach of cutting and pasting carbon copy letters to dozens of women. You're unlikely to get many replies doing this. Instead, personalize the letter, and only write to those women you are genuinely interested in. Nobody is flattered by a scripted, impersonal letter.
For women, there's nothing wrong with making the first approach. If you are looking for something specific, you should put this into your profile. If you don't get the responses you expect, ask the help of a friend to revise your profile. Try to reply to genuine letters, even if it is just a polite "no thanks". At least the man knows, and is not left waiting in hope.
Do: Have realistic expectations about your potential partner. Do: Follow the guidelines on the dating websites when meeting someone. Do: Set up a temporary email account for your registration. Do: Aim to meet quickly if you like the person. Do: Read the guidelines on the site to see what is permitted and what is appropriate.
Don't: Post anything too confidential in your profile. Don't: Give out too much information until you know the person.
Online dating can be fun and rewarding, but be cautious Online dating is very popular, and why not? Once you leave high school or college it's not easy to find a group of people who share your age group, interests, spiritual beliefs…and your desire to connect for companionship, fun and love. While online dating can be very rewarding, it's important to be cautious. Here are a few steps you can take to increase your online dating safety, courtesy of Sandy Berger's Great Age Guide to Better Living Through Technology. Additional edits, opinions and information are mine.
Whether you meet someone in a chat room or through an online dating service, the first rule of online dating is:
Take it slowly.
You might think you know the person because you have been chatting online or corresponding via email, but remember to use common sense when you decide to connect in person with an online dating pal.
Use Extra-Safe Online Dating Sites. Most online dating Web sites begin by asking you to fill out a profile. Before you do, make sure you read the privacy policy of the Web site. Many people who visit Internet dating sites are not completely honest. Although I advise you to be honest, please realize that others might stretch the truth a little (or a lot).
In a recent Nielsen//NetRatings' analysis of the online dating community, out of those acknowledging that they accessed an online dating service the previous day, 11 percent were married individuals. And those were the ones being honest!
Some Web sites are taking steps to make sure people who post profiles are who they claim to be. For example, a Web site called MyCountryMatch makes everyone pledge that they are single and unattached as well as honest and truthful. Another Web site called True has teamed up with Rapsheets Criminal Records to do background checks on each person it matches up.
Keep in mind, though, that no online dating Web site is perfect. You future mate might be somewhere on the Internet, but go slowly, use common sense, and always be at least a little suspicious.
Guard Your Anonymity. Be sure not to include your last name, address, workplace, phone number, or any other identifying information when corresponding online. Most online dating services use a double-blind system that protects your identity. If this system is not available at the online dating service you choose, create a nickname to use just for online dating sites. It is never a good idea to use your real name.
Ask for a Photo. Appearance can help you determine whether the person is someone with whom you want to correspond. Most online dating sites enable you to post a picture if you like. If the person doesn't send a photo and makes excuses, stop corresponding with them.
Don't assume that the person who chats to you on the computer screen will be the same person in real life. The single executive you chat with who says he has a body fat rating of 18 percent and works out every day could very well be unemployed, overweight, married, and have several children.
Oh, and if you do get a photo, remember that it might not be current or accurate.
Do you have an online dating story you would like to share with Senior Living readers? Send it to millionairecupid @ gmail.com.
Online dating can lead to wonderful relationships, romance and adventure. Only very occasionally will you ever hear about something going wrong. By employing a few basic guidelines you can make sure you play safely.
Go Slow Take things slowly to start and build trust. Take one step at a time. Begin by exchanging emails, swap recent photos, and chat via Instant Messenger. Listen to your intuition and if you feel uncomfortable then stop. (See Once you click with someone).
Stay anonymous at the beginning As you build trust, you can reveal more about yourself. At first be sure not to reveal your full name, where you live or other contact information at this early stage.
Guard your email Since a great number of relationships start with exchanging emails; be careful to ensure your email information is private. Your email can reveal more about you than just your email address. For example you may have a digital signature, or your full name. Make sure these are not revealed. If you're not sure what sending an email will reveal about your personal details, send a test message to yourself. If you are in doubt about what your email will reveal to someone about yourself, then send yourself a test message.
Remember to set up an email account especially for your online dating correspondence. Don't use your real name in your email address.
For Outlook Express 6 users, on the top menu, select Tools, then Accounts... Click on the "Mail" tab, and select the email account you wish to use. Next, click on the button "Properties". Under "User Information" replace your real name with a nickname, and remove any reference to your "Organization".
Ask for a photo Some say looks are important, others personality! Either way, request a photo from your potential date. It's a good way to check who you are talking has described themselves fairly well! If someone keeps putting off sending a photo, then this should be a warning signal. Of course, there's nothing like actually meeting, so you may not really be sure until then. Don't forget to ask for more than one photo, and remember to ask when the photo was taken.
Use the telephone Only give out your phone number when you feel comfortable. You probably have already exchanged emails and chatted via instant messenger. Chatting by phone will give you both a chance to get to know each other better and is a good way to assess your potential date's social skills.
Use a cell phone if you have one or a pay phone in preference to your home number. If you must use you home number then you should consider suppressing Caller ID on that line. The flip side would be to use a service like Privacy Manager that intercepts numbers without Caller ID. Both features are useful ways to protect yourself and your privacy.
Where to Meet Arrange to meet somewhere public where there's a lot of people. Make sure you know you're route home so you don't miss the last train or bus, and keep a number to call for a taxi incase you're late or there's been a change of plan.
Bring a friend You may like to bring a friend with you on your first date, and plan for them to leave early if things are going well. You could also arrange to meet them after your date as an additional precaution, or at least to ring them on your way home. Do also remember to take your cell phone if you have one.
Tell a friend If you can't bring a friend, always tell someone where, when and with whom you are meeting. If travelling leave your hotel address and phone with them. Call them if possible, after your date.
Traveling long distance If you are traveling some way to meet someone for the first time, don't agree to stay at their place. Instead arrange a hotel and if your budget allows, rent a car. This way if your date isn't suating, safety tips, online dating safety, internet dating, ccessful you have a place of your own to go. Avoid meeting at the airport or revealing your hotel.
Find Mr. Right online Ready to join the estimated 40 million Americans who are giving the online match game a whirl? If so, you'll need to give your profile some pop to stand out from the pack. More important, you'll have a real shot at finding a click-worthy guy you really, well, click with. Get started with these dating profile dos and don'ts:
go into online dating cold. Before you start entering your sassy stats, do a search as if you were looking for "you" and see what comes up. Read other gals' profiles to see your competition, get some clever ideas, and take note of the things that scream turnoff.
make your user name unique. "It doesn't have to be brilliant, but it should signify some expressive detail about what makes you you," suggests Gail Laguna, online dating expert and spokesperson for Spark Networks, which operates several niche online dating sites. Some of her examples: TennisTime, Luv2cook, SalsaDancer. Much more intriguing than Sexylady123, isn't is?
go overboard with the seductive poses or bawdy talk. Overly suggestive pics or innuendo may attract the wrong type of person, warns Stephany Alexander author of the book "Sex, Lies & the Internet: An Online Dating Survival Guide." Remember, there's a fine line between flirty and trashy -- don't cross it.
be positive. "There are few of us who enter the dating scene who don't have some emotional baggage," says Nancy Michaels, founder of MatchGoneWrong.com, a dating site for women over 40. Still, she says, try not to emphasize phrases such as "no games" or "no drama." Instead, specify what you are looking for, such as "a great guy who shares my love of jazz music."
be intimidating. Often Mr. Right just needs a little nudge in the right direction to get the courage to contact you, says Laguna. Be sure to include an invitation to contact you in your profile to come off as approachable and warm.
Dr. Laura Berman offers up a list of dos and don'ts for Webworld love
If you are single and looking for love, chances are that you made a resolution to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right this year. But where can you find this elusive partner? At the grocery store? At church? Or on a dating Web site?
Statistics show that there are currently 40 million Americans using online dating services (about 40 percent of the single population!). So if you are single and ready to mingle, it might not be a bad idea to take advantage of this pool of hopeful lovers. However, many people are hesitant to look for love online, and there certainly are some cyber dangers of which you should be aware. But don't write off online dating just yet - as long as you follow a few simple dos and don'ts of online dating, you might just find your soul mate on the World Wide Web!
When dating online, DO:
Be honest. Post clear and recent photographs of yourself, no matter how much you are tempted to post a younger, thinner version. You might attract more interest with an outdated or Photoshopped picture, but the interest will fade when the person finds out you were misrepresenting yourself. Be honest about who you are so that you can find someone who loves you for who you really are.
Be safe. Never post personal information like your home address or work address. Keep your company name and personal phone numbers private. When you are ready to speak with daters on the phone, give out your cell phone number instead of a landline number. Cell numbers are hard to track and easy to change if necessary.
Be open. Online daters can sometimes be harsh when reviewing other daters' profiles. For instance, if you see that he likes rock 'n' roll and you are more into country, you might be tempted to pass up that opportunity. Instead, be open to new ideas and different interests. So what if he loves to be active and you aren't exactly athletic? Push your boundaries and be open to love in unexpected places.
Tell your friends: Online dating has a certain stigma that makes some people afraid to admit to their cyber search for love. However, there is nothing embarrassing about looking for love online, and most people have tried it at some point or another. So ditch the embarrassment and tell your family and friends what you are up to. This way, when you meet Mr. Right, you won't have to make up an awkward lie to hide how you really met!
Be realistic: You might not find someone you want to date on your first, second or even third try. But don't get discouraged! After all, you are trying to find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with - that is bound to take a little effort and determination!
When dating online, DON'T:
Expect Brad Pitt: No matter what their photograph looks like online, be prepared for someone a little different when you meet in person. Photos are easily modified, and your potential date might have altered their profile picture a little. Instead of basing your search on looks alone, try to base on it personality and interests... this way, you won't be disappointed when you meet a slightly heavier version of the person you met online.
Use your profile to rant: Even if you are feeling a little bitter about dating and love, don't let it show on your profile. For instance, comments like 'All the good ones are taken' or 'I have been cheated on more times than I can count' do not make you seem like a happy or confident person. Instead, be upbeat and positive when describing yourself online - people like happy people, so you will be sure to get more interest with a positive profile. Moreover, research has found that when you act confident and happy, you actually feel more confident and happy!
Take chances: No matter how much you think you know someone from online chats, you need to take precautions when meeting them in person. Meet in safe, public places and tell your friends your location. Have a time when you call and check in with a trusted family member or friend, and if you don't call, they should know to alert the police. It sounds alarmist, but it is always better to be safe than sorry!
Forget about your non-cyber self: Online dating is a great resource, but you shouldn't abandon your life in favor of the Internet. Stay active in your interests outside of the Internet. Keep connected to your social circle so that you can continue to meet potential dates in the real world. And, finally, never give up! Real love is out there, and it is available to anyone who is open and ready to search for it. Good luck in your quest for true love!
The art of making a good first impression on a man has changed considerably with the advent of online dating. Using this medium, it's not necessary to check if there's lipstick on your teeth but rather if there are typos in your profile. And how can you tell if the guy who sounds so great on "paper" is the real thing? Most importantly, once you and a cyberbeau initially - pardon the pun - click, how can you gracefully move it offline? Here are the do's and don'ts of email courtship:
May I Have This Dance? Feel free to initiate contact with a potential Mr. Wonderful. As in real life, male online daters commonly make the first move, so a note from an attractive woman like you will be the highlight of his day. Keep it short but include something that shows you relate to particulars in his ad: "I was drawn to your love of swing dancing." He wants to feel singled out, not receive a cookie-cutter response that could be sent to every man on the site.
Capital Offenses. Your mom likely told you it's rude to shout, but she didn't forewarn you that USING CAPS IN YOUR EMAILS is the same as yelling. The woman who gave you life probably also neglected to advise you to beware of men who communicate via "winks" (an option to contact another member to convey interest, without writing a message - or paying), one-word responses and "collect calls." The former two are lazy with a side order of obnoxiousness; the latter expects you to pay for the privilege of receiving his email.
Online dater Sharon Hodgson has her list of top tacky transgressions. "Obviously looks are important and you should expect the other person will want a photo. But when the first thing a respondent asks is, 'Do you have a picture?' - often when he hasn't posted one! - my radar is up." Hodgson also cites emoticon offenders. The University of Maryland social worker sniffs, "I can't take anyone seriously who is constantly doing LOL or smiley-facing or even writing shorthand. People shouldn't be so casual in emails."
Just Say No. Women typically get swamped in emails, so they let slide the ones from men that don't interest them. While not a cardinal offense, it's a little cruel to keep him hanging. Send an acknowledgment along the lines of, "I'm complimented that such a great guy wants to know me a little better. Unfortunately I don't see us as compatible. But thank you so much for writing and best of luck."
Honesty Lite. Emily Calvo explains, "I am not advocating lying. It's important to tell the truth." The author of 25 Words or Less: How to Write Like a Pro to Meet That Special Someone through Personal Ads quickly adds, "However, don't tell too much too soon. A little mystery is better than a lengthy soap opera detailing all that analysis has taught you." Give the essentials with a positive spin. For example, it's important for him to know you're a single mother. But don't complain about your stresses. Instead, share that while you love your kids, it's time for you to develop a personal life.
At this early stage it's also important to share information that might quickly uncover a major incompatibility. Say he's allergic to animals and you have two kittens. Or you're a vegetarian and he's a butcher with a rib roast fixation. And he'll realize you're a night owl if the timestamps on your emails are 2am rather than 8pm. Better to suss out potential roadblocks sooner than later.
From Computer to Coffeehouse. Resist the temptation to get caught up in an online love affair where each of you writes increasingly lengthy and intimate life histories. It's impossible to discover whether you're suited until you're sharing oxygen. How many emails should it take before you get together? National dating coach Patti Feinstein says, "Emailing back and forth for a month never works. Once a mutual agreement is made that there is interest, it's best to meet in a public place as soon as possible."
Online dater Sherry Alpert attempts to set up a phone call and/or a date after two or three reciprocated emails. "The ones who won't do it I call 'toe in the water' guys. I've noted to them that prolonged emails are a waste of time." Her firmness usually eliminates the vague "let's get together sometime" emails. If the man refuses to be pinned down for a meeting without a valid excuse (ie, an out-of-town trip is on the horizon), she's soon outta there.
Post-Date Email. Scenario 1: If you like the guy and don't hear from him within a few days, it's fine to shoot off a quick email: "Thanks for the drink and the fun company. I really enjoyed meeting you." He'll either contact you for a date or not. If it's "or not," cut your losses and move on. Scenario 2: You don't like the guy and he keeps bugging you for a return engagement. Just send a quick note: "While I truly enjoyed meeting you, I just didn't feel we were compatible enough to pursue a relationship. But I wish you all the best."
Dating etiquette has always been confusing -- and now online dating has only made matters more complicated. Andrea Lavinthal, who wrote "The Hookup Handbook: A Single Girl's Guide to Living It Up" with Jessica Rolzer, shared these tips on "Good Morning America" to guide you through the modern mores of online and offline dating:
Before the date:
Do exchange photos. It's like ordering a flower arrangement over the phone -- you want to know what it will look like.
Don't post a photo from your hot days in college. Choose a flattering picture, but don't advertise goods you can't deliver!
During the first date:
Do provide details about yourself. Share just enough information about yourself that your date will be itching to learn more.
Don't go overboard in revealing personal information about yourself. On the first meeting, no one needs to know the names of your childhood pets or that you take antidepressants.
Do stick to positive and relatable topics in your conversation. Discuss work, movies, etc. Don't try something that you might not be able to pull off. If you attempt to fake a skill, you'll crash and burn.
Do show off a special talent. Great at bowling? Go for it -- as long as you come off confident and fun.
If things don't work out and you want to end the relationship:
Don't pull a disappearing act. Guys, if you appear to have fallen off the face of the Earth, girls will picture you lying in a ditch somewhere, cell phone in hand, trying desperately to call. So it's best to come clean!
Do bow out gracefully. Avoid doing the slow fade.
Don't break up over e-mail -- even if you met that way.
